<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>just us two by ohsun</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26702311">just us two</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohsun/pseuds/ohsun'>ohsun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>college/frat au [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band), NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Established Relationship, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light Angst, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:54:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26702311</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohsun/pseuds/ohsun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking two fraternities on a ski-trip turns out to be the worst idea ever. Doyoung learns the hard way, as he always does.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Byun Baekhyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Park Chanyeol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>college/frat au [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1932163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>just us two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello everyone, thank you for making it to part 3(!) due to your overwhelming support on the other parts of this series i really felt like this needed to be written. most of this won't make sense unless you have read at least part 1 of this series (might as well). there is some content in this that warrants a warning, but there's nothing major (it's a light-hearted work). if you've got any questions about the severity/where these occur, feel free to dm me (twitter @ohsunwrites) and ask!! </p><p>warnings (spoilers!!): alcohol, kissing under the influence of alcohol, mentions of drugs/implied recreational drug use, light angst, vomit, minor violence (it's one punch), minor blood (it's one nosebleed), implied (but not really) cheating, mentions of one night stands/casual sex.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Doyoung is in the process of zipping up one of his bags, balancing a wine glass in his hand and going through his packing list in his head when Taeyong comes up into his room. The first thing he notices is the absent whiskers. </p><p>“Where are your whiskers?” Doyoung asks over a sip of his pre-drink (a bottle of rosé, but no one is watching). Chanyeol had drawn his on just before he’d gone into the shower, the smell of sharpie still lingering on his nose. </p><p>Taeyong shrugs. He sits down on Doyoung’s bed, placing his phone down on his lap carefully, attention anywhere but on Doyoung.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” He asks again, sitting down next to his best friend. Upon closer inspection, it’s not pink eye shadow that’s tainting Taeyong’s lashline - his eyes are puffy and he’s definitely not okay. “Hey, come here” Doyoung worries, pulling his brother in for a hug. </p><p>“I’m not getting any whiskers.” Taeyong says. “Because I think we broke up.” </p><p>Doyoung stares at Taeyong in disbelief. </p><p>“We had a fight.” Taeyong explains. “We’ve been arguing for a while now and I just... I don’t think we can make it work” </p><p>Doyoung pouts, stroking Taeyong’s shoulder comfortingly. </p><p>“Do you wanna talk about it?” Doyoung asks, and Taeyong shakes his head. </p><p>“No.” He declines. “You should go out, I want to go out.”</p><p>“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Doyoung asks, because the whiskers (or rather, the lack thereof) make it very obvious to everyone there that something is going on and Doyoung can imagine how uncomfortable Taeyong must be. </p><p>“Yes, I promise I’m fine!” Taeyong assures. There’s a hitch to his voice that Doyoung knows all too well but he won’t push it now, not when they’re about to head out. </p><p>Doyoung wants to ask another fifteen questions, one of them being how the <em>hell</em> this happened. Taeyong and Baekhyun had been together for more than a year, it was <em>serious</em>, so the break up must be so much more than just one argument. </p><p>Instead of asking any other questions Chanyeol comes out of the shower, towel slung over his shoulder. “Hey” he greets Taeyong, nodding at him. “Ready to go?” </p><p>Chanyeol’s hair is still wet, even as he shakes his head in an attempt to dry it, and Doyoung scolds him all the way out to the car, saying that leaving the house with wet hair during the winter could make him sick and that right before their trip.</p><p><em>Their</em> trip. The ski-trip they would be taking up the mountains during the last week of winter break. Sehun and Johnny had come together to plan what would be their first trip, the Chi-Epsilon - Beta Annual Winter Holiday first edition (or as Johnny had suggested, the Chi-Chi-Ski). It had turned out being cheaper to rent a five bedroom cabin for a week then to go on two separate holidays, and since the two fraternities <em>had</em> been spending more time together and grown closer, it seemed like a good solution to go together.</p><p>So they’d rented a minivan and tomorrow afternoon they’d be kicking off the three hour drive up the mountains to their cosy winter lodge. </p><p>Not only did Doyoung have a potential sick boyfriend to worry about, now he had a best friend in the middle of a break-up. A break-up with Doyoung’s boyfriend’s best-friend. In one cabin on top of a mountain. </p><p>Fantastic. </p><p>They don’t say anything during the car ride, Taeyong stretched out on the backseat and immersed in his phone. The radio plays crappy 90’s tunes as Doyoung worries and overthinks, Chanyeol seemingly unbothered by it all as he drives.</p><p>The street is packed with cars already, a frat hosting the party tonight. They have to park quite far from the house, arriving more than fashionably late</p><p>“I'm gonna head inside, see you there.” Taeyong announces, going off on his own, leaving Chanyeol and Doyoung in palpable silence. </p><p>“They broke up.” Doyoung explains. Chanyeol says nothing, but Doyoung can feel his eyes on him. It’s so strange, the atmosphere between them tense and so <em>wrong </em>now that they’re alone.</p><p>“I know.” Chanyeol simply answers. Doyoung’s about to say something else when he lets the implication of that sink in. </p><p>“You knew?” Doyoung demands, frowning as he looks up at Chanyeol. “What do you mean you <em>knew</em>?”</p><p>“Baekhyun called me earlier today.” Chanyeol explains, shrugging, but Doyoung slowly feels the anger seep into his bones </p><p>“You knew and you didn’t think of telling me?” Doyoung poses, sarcasm dripping off his tone. “Were about to spend one week living in the same house - you didn’t <em>think</em> to mention-“</p><p>“It’s not really your business, Doyoung.” Chanyeol points out, and Doyoung is about to combust. </p><p>“What do you mean it’s not my business? Taeyong is my best friend, of course I should know if he’s hurt-” </p><p>“Baekhyun’s also my best friend, I don’t have to tell you everything.” Chanyeol points out trying to sound casual, but his tone is stiff and Doyoung’s blood runs cold. </p><p>“So you decided to keep that from me, because what, because Baekhyun asked you too? You knew I would find out anyways!” </p><p>Chanyeol sighs, and it makes Doyoung feel even worse, like Chanyeol can’t even be bothered to have this conversation with him. </p><p>“He didn’t <em>ask</em> me, I just thought that it’s not something I’m obliged to share with you.” </p><p>“You could’ve given me a heads-up, I could’ve asked Taeyong to stay at home today.” Doyoung points out.</p><p>“You don’t have to boss Taeyong around like that, he can make his own decisions.”</p><p>And okay, yeah, Doyoung is done hearing all of this nonsense. “I don’t boss him around, I care about him-”</p><p>“Doyoung, can we just drop this?” Chanyeol asks impatiently.</p><p>Doyoung scoffs. “No we can’t just <em>drop</em> this.” He mocks. </p><p>“Fine, then can we talk about it later? I have to meet Sehun in five minutes.” </p><p>“Whatever” Doyoung drops casually, waving him off. Chanyeol pauses, looking both angry and surprised before putting his hands up in defense and walking off. Doyoung feels bad the moment he sees his boyfriend’s back disappearing in the rear view mirror. The street lamp above him flickers pathetically, much like he feels as he watches Chanyeol walk away.</p><p>++</p><p>Doyoung hates the party. He hates the host (Ten, who is the Vision-Chi leader). He hates the drinks and he mostly hates the people. He spends all night like a guard dog around Taeyong, making sure they don’t run into Baekhyun (who was rumoured to be attending the same party), and staying sober enough to assure that he can take care of Taeyong.</p><p>He does see Chanyeol at some point, at first with excitement and then quickly with anger as he remembers the fight they had. They don’t speak, only making eye contact across the room at some point during the evening, but it’s enough to make Doyoung even more bitter and eventually have one too many glasses of red wine. </p><p>They uber home and Taeyong swears he isn’t crying for most of the ride. Doyoung tells him that sure, he is not crying, but here is his shoulder in case he does need somewhere to cry and oh would you look at that Doyoung’s shirt is covered in snot and tears.</p><p>When they get home he drags Taeyong out the car, across their lawn and into their house. Doyoung’s own bedroom is the closest to the front door so that’s where he dumps Taeyong with a bucket and a bottle of water. </p><p>He holds his best friend’s hair as he pukes, tells him that it’s going to be okay, tells him that boyfriends are stupid and that it’s not worth crying over. Taeyong cries some more, pouts and mumbles about <em>Baekhyun this</em> and <em>Baekhyun that</em> and then he passes out. </p><p>Doyoung feels like he could sleep too, except he’s still in his jeans and dress-shirt and he’s not going to put himself through a night like that. Instead he gets up, heading downstairs into the kitchen to get himself a fresh bottle of water. </p><p>The lights are still on and Doyoung frowns when he catches Jaehyun sitting on the kitchen island, tub of ice-cream in between his legs. </p><p>“Hey.” He greets, shrugging. Doyoung does a double take at the sight in front of him, wondering if he should pinch himself because he’s not used to seeing a half undressed rushee eating ice-cream out of the tub at 2 AM. </p><p>“What are you doing?” Doyoung asks as he fetches a bottle of water from the fridge. He hiccups from the alcohol, shamefully so, and Jaehyun giggles. </p><p>“Eating.” He explains, gesturing down at his junk (and the tub of ice-cream situated between his legs).</p><p>“Cool.” Doyoung says, nodding. Jaehyun is either high or drunk, or a pity combination of the both, but Doyoung’s been babysitting all night, so he can’t let Jaehyun unpack whatever has brought this on - he's used up all his energy on Taeyong. “Watch out with that stuff.” He says, gesturing at Jaehyun’s junk. “It’s cold.” </p><p>Jaehyun laughs before shoving another spoonful into his mouth. </p><p>When he comes back upstairs he finds Taeyong fast asleep in his bed, curled up in the very middle of it with the blankets wrapped around him like a burrito. What really catches his attention is his phone screen lighting up with notifications. </p><p>
  <strong>doieee</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>did u mke it hme ok??? </strong>
</p><p>Chanyeol apparently does not text with many vowels when he’s drunk. Doyoung forgives him. </p><p>
  <strong>yes
im fine</strong>
</p><p>Is the response he types out quickly. He sees the bubble indicating that Chanyeol is typing, but doesn’t wait for a response. Instead Doyoung gets into bed next to his best friend, fighting his way to a little piece of blanket that Taeyong can spare him. He realises bitterly that he hasn't missed sharing a bed with his best friend, squeezing in next to Taeyong to get some space on the mattress. </p><p>It’s going to be a long week.</p><p>++</p><p>The next morning is hectic. Taeyong is sick, so hungover he only wakes up to vomit and then falls back asleep. This means all the house chores that usually fall on Taeyong’s shoulders (laundry, breakfast, getting people out of bed) are now Doyoung’s to take care of.</p><p>After getting rudely awoken by Taeyong’s gagging and holding his best friend’s hair back while he does so, he gets out of bed with a head that feels like a ten ton truck. There had been a little too much red wine and not enough water to compensate for it last night. </p><p>But, he’s got responsibilities today. Two aspirins later and some water on his face - he tells himself he suddenly feels a lot better, making his way downstairs to the kitchen. He has a flashback to last night, remembering Jaehyun sat on the kitchen island with a tub of ice-cream. To each their own, but he’s <em>never</em> seen Jaehyun comfort-eating before. </p><p>Johnny is already awake, sweaty from his usual morning jog. He’s already made coffee (much to Doyoung's relief) and is probably waiting for Taeyong to get up and make breakfast. </p><p>“Taeyong’s hungover.” Doyoung informs him as he starts getting out everything he needs to make waffles. They’re Taeyong’s favourite comfort food. </p><p>“Rough night?” Johnny asks with fake concern as he snickers. </p><p>“Fantastic.” Doyoung admits bitterly as he puts the pan on the stove. “Did you talk to Jaehyun last night?” </p><p>“No? I stayed with Sehun last night, jogged home this morning.” Of course he did. He <em>jogged</em> home, like some masculine wet-dream from a hardware commercial. </p><p>“Yeah, you stink.” Doyoung comments, grimacing as he bats his spatula at Johnny. “You didn’t talk to Jaehyun last night? He seemed upset.”</p><p>“Didn’t see him.” Johnny says, shrugging. </p><p>As much as Doyoung does not understand the choices Jaehyun makes, as a parent he is very worried about them. Jaehyun is always so up-tight about what he eats and how he can’t afford to lose his abs, that comfort eating in the middle of the night isn't something he’d ever see him doing. The situation must be really dire for him to resort to this. </p><p>He worries his bottom lip between his teeth, focusing on making batter for the waffles instead. </p><p>“Did you finish packing yet?” He asks Johnny, knowing very well the answer is going to be no. Johnny’s idea of packing is putting his playstation in a duffel bag and taking as many socks as he owns to cushion it up. He <em>knows</em> Johnny will probably only bring one change of clothes and live out of Jaehyun’s suitcase for the entire duration of the trip, that’s what happened during last year’s spring break getaway. </p><p>“I have to do laundry.” Johnny says, and Doyoung whines.</p><p>“Not today.” Doyoung complains, sighing to himself. He does not trust Johnny to do laundry, meaning that if he <em>wants</em> to do laundry Doyoung has to, at the very least, supervise him. “We’re leaving in a couple hours, there’s no time to do laundry.”</p><p>“I have no clean socks.” He complains back. Doyoung’s knuckles turn white on the spatula from how tightly he grips it. </p><p>“Then just borrow some socks from Jaehyun, you have the same stupid big feet.” Doyoung mumbles, flipping one of the eggs he’s frying. </p><p>Johnny chuckles. “True.” He agrees. “You know what they say about big feet.”</p><p>“Yes! They say <em>I’ll shove this spatula so far up your ass it comes out your mouth</em>.” </p><p>++</p><p>Doyoung returns upstairs after putting in a load of laundry (<em>please Doyoung? I hosed down the lawn this morning to clean up Taeyong’s puke) </em>with a plate full of breakfast waffles. </p><p>Taeyong is awake when he enters his room, a dopey smile on his face when he sees Doyoung standing in the doorway with food. </p><p>“Ah, my noble prince brought me such treasure.” Taeyong praises, making grabby hands for the plates Doyoung is holding. He sets down the tray on his bed, carefully maneuvering around it to sit across from Taeyong. </p><p>“Did you have some water?” Doyoung worries, checking the half empty bottle on Taeyong’s nightstand. </p><p>“A whole bottle and then some, and aspirins.” Doyoung hums appreciatively. Taeyong seems very co-operative for what is the first day post break-up. </p><p>He’s helped Taeyong through heartbreak before. Taeyong fell in love easily, hard and fast, and whilst Doyoung secretly admired it, he also had to see the inevitable heartbreak. The heartbreak was not something he envied, something he time after time had to ease Taeyong back to health from. Something he had become somewhat of an expert on managing. Waffles were always a good start.</p><p>“This is delicious” Taeyong muses on a mouthful of waffles, grinning at Doyoung happily. “Thank you.” </p><p>They eat in silence and after Doyoung takes the plates down to the kitchen. When he returns Taeyong is already out of bed, standing by Doyoung’s desk to plug in his phone to charge. </p><p>“Did you pack yesterday?” Doyoung asks, ready to add ‘pack Taeyong’s bag’ to his list of chores.</p><p>“Not really.” Taeyong said. “I didn’t really feel like it after…” after <em>that</em>. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Doyoung asks. As much as he loves babying Taeyong, Doyoung likes to believe that talking about it helps. Maybe that's just his inexperience in heartbreak talking. </p><p>“No.” Taeyong says. “Not really.” He shakes his head. “You can’t tell anyone…” </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“I mean that we’re going to spend a week together in a cabin, I can’t have everyone knowing so we decided to not tell anyone.”</p><p>“You told me.” Doyoung interjects, and Taeyong chuckles solemnly.</p><p>“You’re you.” He explains, and Doyoung gets it. </p><p>“Baekhyun told Chanyeol.” He then goes on. He feels relieved to finally get that off his chest, because he’d been overthinking about it all night before he finally fell asleep. </p><p>“He’s his <em>you</em>.” Doyoung gets that too. Unfortunately. “We don’t want to make it awkward for everyone so we’ll just be civil.”</p><p>“But we’re not really civil?” Taeyong frowns in confusion. “I’m just asking if I have to punch him or not.” Doyoung bites out under his breath. </p><p>“Please don’t punch him.” Taeyong giggles. “Oh, and I asked him if we could switch rooms, so we could room together and he can room with Chanyeol.”</p><p>“Of course.” Doyoung hadn’t really imagined any other outcome. Sure, he’d been looking forward to spending a week with Chanyeol, but he’d also like his best friend in one piece, so his personal preferences would have to just be that, a preference. </p><p>“Good.” Taeyong agrees. “Okay, I’ll get packing then.”</p><p>“I can help you if you need.” Doyoung offers, trying not to think about the laundry he still has to do and other chores on his schedule. </p><p>“I got it.” Taeyong assures. “But thank you, Doyoung.” He says it with such sincerity that Doyoung’s heart aches as he walks away.</p><p>++</p><p>As if they are about to head on a school trip, later that afternoon they all gather outside of their house with bags in tow, piling up outside the minivan. Apparently there’s a limited amount of luggage space, meaning most of it has to go into the car in creative ways. </p><p>There are exactly ten car seats and also ten people, meaning the backseat becomes uncomfortably crowded. There’s no leg space because the floor is full of bags, but Taeyong manages to curl up on himself and get comfortable by the window seat. Doyoung sits in the middle, anxiously seeking out Jaehyun in the crowd of people outside to make sure he sits down next to them. He’s not too big and also not too talkative and exactly what Doyoung needs if he’s going to nap for the coming hours. </p><p>Instead Chanyeol slides into the seat next to him. </p><p>“Hey.” He greets sheepishly. Doyoung’s head starts aching just thinking back to the argument they had last night and the unread messages on his phone. </p><p>“Hey.” Doyoung mumbles equally as sleepy. </p><p>“I know you’re ignoring me…” Chanyeol starts as he struggles to stretch out his legs over the piles of luggage “but I really want a nap, so can I please just…” </p><p>He gestures at Doyoung, and Doyoung hates him but also can’t tell him to leave, so he allows it. His shoulder? Suitable to cry on. His hand? Amazing to hold. His chest? Free real estate. </p><p>Chanyeol leans into his side in an attempt to get comfortable in his seat, and technically Doyoung is ignoring him; he's ignoring him but he looks so endearing trying to store too long legs in a too tiny backseat. He also hasn’t seen Chanyeol in almost a day and he <em>misses</em> him, so he allows himself the pleasure of Chanyeol’s head on his shoulder. </p><p>Baekhyun gets in the car moments later, laughing boldly about something with Minseok. He doesn’t look at Taeyong and Taeyong tries not to look at him, but he fails and inhales sharply at the shock of it. </p><p>Doyoung notices from the corner of his eye, and soon feels Taeyong’s hand reaching out for him. Their fingers interlace as Taeyong puts them down in his lap, squeezing it softly.  </p><p>“Missed you last night.” Chanyeol mumbles into his ear, breath ghosting his neck.</p><p>Doyoung hums to agree. A shiver goes down his spine when Chanyeol kisses behind his ear, just a soft peck but enough to have Doyoung completely caught off guard. </p><p>“I’m ignoring you” he mutters back. He swears he hears his boyfriend giggle at that. Doyoung's tried ignoring Chanyeol before with no success, so Chanyeol might as well claim victory right away.</p><p>It turns out to be a much shorter car ride than anticipated, because as soon as they start driving the noise of the car lulls Doyoung to sleep.</p><p>++</p><p>“The view is amazing Doyoung…” Taeyong hasn't left the window sill since they got to their room, sitting on it crossed legged with his eyes are glued out the window. From their room they can look out over most of the mountain range, covered in a sparkling white blanket. It's a breathtaking sight.</p><p>“It is.” Doyoung agrees as he opens up his suitcase on their bed.</p><p>The cabin is fantastic, big enough to grant all of them the luxury of avoiding each other if necessary. It has five bedrooms, two of which are located at the top floor, a split level living area between them with a huge fireplace, surrounded by a corner sofa and various bean bags. </p><p>Downstairs there are three more bedrooms, another living area with a dining table and kitchen and the stairs leading down to the basement where there’s a pool and a sauna, along with a hot tub and a bar. It’s <em>fantastic, </em>everyone’s idea of an ideal getaway. </p><p>Except Doyoung is worried. Taeyong nearly lost it when he had to look Baekhyun in the eye earlier. Baekhyun, who had accidentally grabbed the wrong bag and was trying to take Taeyong’s away, had looked equally as pained. It was the single most awkward conversation Doyoung has ever witnessed, two people refusing to look at each other but also in need of one another’s cooperation as Baekhyun swapped his bag back with Taeyong. </p><p>Taeyong and Baekhyun were really going to spend a whole week pretending that they were fine, and Doyoung was going to suffer every second of it.</p><p>After settling in they decide on dinner. Junmyeon offers to cook, busying himself with the new kitchen equipment. Doyoung offers to help but it’s only half assed, and Junmyeon is polite enough to decline. Instead Doyoung lazies around on one of the bean bags.</p><p>When Chanyeol sits down next to him it dips on the other side, causing Doyoung to fall off. </p><p>“Minseok’s starting a fire.” Chanyeol comments when Doyoung looks over his shoulder to try and hear where the commotion is coming from. </p><p>“Is he burning the place down?” Doyoung asks, lying back down in the bean bag, resting his head against Chanyeol’s shoulder: </p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you warm if we suddenly have no roof over our heads.” </p><p>“Please don’t, I hate camping.” Doyoung whines. </p><p>Chanyeol giggles. “Noted, no camping for our next holiday.”</p><p>“<em>Our</em> next holiday?” Doyoung poses, trying to provoke some kind of explanation.</p><p>Things had been a little stiff lately, which was entirely to blame on Christmas. Doyoung had brought Chanyeol home for the holidays to meet his parents, and whilst that had all gone well - it had sent Doyoung into a downward spiral of panic. </p><p>Like everything else he did, Chanyeol excelled in charming his in-laws, getting Doyoung’s father a bottle of his favourite whiskey for Christmas, complimenting his mother’s cooking plentifully and talking about obscure indie movies with Doyoung’s brother for hours on end. </p><p>No, it hadn’t been awkward, it had all been <em>flawless</em>; which was exactly why Doyoung had left his family home with a full dose of holiday anxiety. Chanyeol got along with his family so well that in retrospect it felt stupid that he ever doubted it, like meeting the parents was just another natural step they took. Being his first <em>serious </em>relationship Doyoung didn’t have much of a reference apart from his friends, and when setting his relationship to that standard he couldn’t help but <em>worry</em> how simple it was. They didn’t fight, didn’t have awkward conversations about what they <em>were</em>, all the while they were taking steps like meeting each other’s parents. They spent so much time together (most of it casual, just Doyoung stopping by and accidentally staying the night, or Chanyeol getting tired of the library and instead studying in Doyoung’s bedroom) to a point where Chanyeol had a toothbrush on Doyoung’s sink and Doyoung kept spare contact solution in Chanyeol’s bathroom. Yet they weren’t massive steps, they weren’t worth <em>panicking</em> over - it was just something that happened naturally. Like one morning Chanyeol had just left his toothbrush and Doyoung had just assumed it was for convenience. Everything was progressing naturally into something very solid, something that fit into his life so well he was starting to forget how he ever went without. </p><p>Which is where the panic came - could he go without? The idea alone of thinking about their respective futures after university had him sick to the stomach from the sheer nervosity, so he couldn’t even start putting their relationship in the long term perspective - even if they were clearly heading that direction without really discussing it. </p><p>Chanyeol on the other hand, seemed to have no issue making plans for the future. Like planning <em>their</em> holidays. Or making not-so-secret ‘we don’t have to do anything special’ plans for their first anniversary (that was clearly very special). Most of it Doyoung had written off as Chanyeol being a romantic at heart and Doyoung <em>not</em>, hence why he tried not to think about it too much. </p><p>But making plans for holidays that were months away, that’s hard to swallow.</p><p>“Let’s survive this one first.” Doyoung assures, patting Chanyeol’s knee comfortingly. He eyes Baekhyun cautiously, caught up in a conversation with Jongin who is trying (and failing) to chop onions under Junmyeon instructions. </p><p>“They’ll be fine.” Chanyeol assures. </p><p>Doyoung curls his bottom lip between his teeth. He’s not so sure if Taeyong’s going to be fine. If he has to go through  all the stages of heartbreak locked up in a cabin in the mountains with Taeyong, he’s not sure if <em>he’s</em> going to be fine. </p><p>Most importantly, if Taeyong and his relationship are not fine then he is not so sure that his relationship is going to be fine. If Taeyong and Baekhyun can’t do it, then what makes Doyoung think he can? </p><p>Taeyong is always the blueprint, always first with everything. Taeyong was the first one to get a boyfriend, first to tell a boy he loves him, first to do everything in the book - Doyoung wasn’t big on firsts; he preferred Taeyong testing the waters for him and then taking notes eagerly when Taeyong went over the do’s and don’ts. Now that Taeyong had tested the water and drowned, Doyoung’s not sure he can do <em>this</em>. </p><p>Chanyeol does not do second-guessing. He’d noticed from the very beginning that he does everything with plentiful confidence (or he doesn’t do them at all). He was the one that suggested meeting Doyoung’s parents, planning a summer holiday together, taking him as a date to his sisters wedding - it was all his doing. At the very least he must’ve noticed by now that Doyoung is not big on initiatives, and Doyoung worries because his lack of enthusiasm has nothing to do with Chanyeol but is entirely to blame on himself.</p><p>“Do you know what happened?” Doyoung asks carefully, trying to focus on something else. As much as he wants to give Taeyong space and let him be, he’s also <em>dying </em>to know what happened between Taeyong and Baekhyun. His personal interest is only half of it. </p><p>“Not really.” Chanyeol shrugs. “We shouldn’t talk about them.” </p><p>“How can we not talk about them? I literally go to <em>sleep</em> with them. Taeyong cried for like an hour last night.” </p><p>“You don’t have to babysit him.” Chanyeol points out. Doyoung rolls his eyes. He doesn’t have to, because Taeyong would never <em>ask</em>. He probably wouldn’t do it if Taeyong asked, that’s exactly how their friendship works. Chanyeol does not understand that, because his friendship with Baekhyun is different. </p><p>“He’s hurt.” Doyoung concludes, like it makes a difference. He knows that contrary to popular beliefs Taeyong is an adult that is absolutely capable of taking care of himself, but that doesn’t mean he <em>has</em> to. Doyoung doesn’t want to <em>make</em> him take care of himself if he can do it. It's a layer of friendship Baekhyun and Chanyeol don't have, as they've never needed it. </p><p>“Yes, so am I, your elbow is pressing into my rib cage.” Chanyeol complains. </p><p>Doyoung shoves him off, abandoning his bean bag. </p><p>++</p><p>Dinner is fine. </p><p>They all sit by the huge table, munching on the food Junmyeon cooked up from seemingly thin air. It’s delicious and with ten people around the table it's nothing but loud conversations, plentiful laughter and absolutely no room for any awkwardness. </p><p>Baekhyun sits between two of his frat brothers, and Doyoung had instructed Jaehyun to sit on the other side of Taeyong so they could barricade him in (and for once Jaehyun had <em>listened</em>). </p><p>Jaehyun is still gloomy and Doyoung hates it. Taeyong just broke up with his boyfriend and Jaehyun has the audacity to be sad, like Doyoung has any emotional capacity to take care of another brother. Johnny is absolutely useless in the department of feelings or ‘pick me ups’, and Jungwoo isn’t even here (although he does supply the group chat with cute puppy gifs throughout the day). </p><p>So there Doyoung sits, eating dinner, policing two children, trying to enjoy his holiday. He doesn’t. It doesn’t help that Chanyeol makes fun of him for it during dinner, sending him text messages to call him a “preschool teacher, but in a hot way, like a dilf hunter”. Doyoung <em>hates</em> this holiday.</p><p>After dinner Taeyong goes back to his room to avoid the noise, and Doyoung follows him briefly to check up on him. He says he’s just tired and hungover and that he wants to sleep, so Doyoung goes into their en-suite bathroom to take out his contacts and put on his glasses, hoping to find Taeyong asleep when he comes out. Instead, Taeyong is curled up with his iPad - but at least he’s not crying so Doyoung considers it a win. He leaves Taeyong alone while he can.</p><p>He stands outside of their bedroom, looking out over the rest of the cabin, watching Baekhyun laugh with Jongin as they drink beer. It’s not fair, Baekhyun laughing and Taeyong moping - but everyone copes in their own way, he can’t exactly fault Baekhyun for it (but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t <em>want </em>to). </p><p>Chanyeol comes upstairs then, naturally slithering his way into Doyoung’s personal space by crowding him up against the railing of the balcony. He leans in to kiss him, humming pleasantly against his lips when he feels Doyoung’s hands slide into his hair. Chanyeol tastes like sweet tea and Doyoung wants more. He would love to forget about the tension over dinner or Taeyong’s moping olympics and just kiss his boyfriend, but he’s <em>exhausted </em>and has his mind elsewhere.</p><p>“What’s up?” Chanyeol murmurs as he pulls away, giving Doyoung a moment to breathe. </p><p>“Taeyong’s watching Love Actually for the second time today and Baekhyun is business as usual, <em>that’s </em>what’s up.” Doyoung whines. He hates bringing it up again, especially after they decided they shouldn’t talk about it - but he’s bad at letting go.</p><p>“It’s not a bad movie, it deserves a second watch.” Chanyeol points out, and Doyoung can’t help but laugh. He’s relieved Chanyeol doesn’t want to argue about this any further, their argument from the party last night entirely forgotten. </p><p>“Yeah, you wanna go in there and watch with him?” Doyoung taunts. He squeezes Chanyeol’s shoulder affectionately, brushing a strand of hair from his sweater. </p><p>“No thanks, I’m good.” He quickly answers, giggling. “I was coming upstairs to get a towel, we’re all going swimming. Are you coming?”</p><p>Doyoung would love to, except he doesn’t even have the energy to stay upright, let alone to socialise. </p><p>“I think I’m just going to sleep early.” Doyoung assures, trying to stifle a yawn.</p><p>“Okay, but there’s a jacuzzi, I want to see you down there at least once this week.” Chanyeol urges, pecking Doyoung’s forehead before he walks away. Doyoung remains standing there for a little while, touching his head where Chanyeol had just kissed him, stupidly blushing. </p><p>Taeyong is still in the same position Doyoung left him, except now the ending credits for Love Actually are rolling, for the second time that day. Doyoung sits down in bed next to him. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Doyoung asks, <em>again</em>. It’s getting a little repetitive, but he wants to be prepared when a sad sulky Taeyong turns into a real tiger ready to lash out. The angry phase of his broken heart usually doesn’t last long, but it hits<em> really</em> hard. </p><p>“It’s stupid.” Taeyongs mutters, pulling the duvet up to his chin. “The movie, it’s just <em>stupid</em>, people don’t get happily ever after’s in real life.”</p><p>“It’s a movie.” Doyoung reminds him, and Taeyong whines.</p><p>“We’ve been fighting for weeks, you know.” Taeyong says suddenly. Doyoung has to readjust his expectations, apparently <em>a lot of words</em> phase comes before the anger. </p><p>“You didn’t tell me.” Doyoung points out. Taeyong rolls his bottom lip between his teeth.</p><p>“Didn’t wanna bother you.” He shrugs. “You had such a nice Christmas break, didn’t wanna ruin it.” If Taeyong’s idea of nice is the panic that he’s at the stage in his relationship where meeting the parents is obligatory, then sure, that’s <em>nice</em>. </p><p>“You know you’re not a bother.” Doyoung soothes, brushing his hand over Taeyong’s carefully. </p><p>“I know, but you can never let things go.” Taeyong says. “You should go swimming with your boyfriend. Just because one of us makes poor choices doesn’t mean the other one has to.” Taeyong offers, and it’s such a Taeyong thing to say - the selflessness. Doyoung <em>knows</em> him all too well.</p><p>“Don’t tell me what to do.” Doyoung says, poking Taeyong’s side. His best friend squeals before erupting in a contagious laughter. They laugh together until they’re both out of breath, and then some. “So, do you wanna watch Love Actually?” </p><p>Taeyong opens his ipad again. </p><p>++</p><p>They actually go out on the tracks that next day. Everyone wakes up relatively sober and early, Junmyeon again cooking up enough breakfast to feed a small country. When everyone’s fed they all leave the cabin, staying out for the rest of the day. </p><p>Doyoung only falls a couple times and feels mildly bruised when he gets home. Most importantly it’s just his body that feels worn out. Mentally he’s full of energy, as he spent almost all day skiing with Jaehyun and Johnny who were surprisingly quiet for once, leaving Taeyong to his own devices with his stupid <em>snowboard</em>.</p><p>They’d agreed to meet back at the cabin, where Doyoung hears a suspicious amount of noise coming from the bedroom he shares with Taeyong. </p><p>It’s Taeyong and Baekhyun, he can tell that much. Contrary to all the other times he’s been bothered by the <em>noise</em> Taeyong and Baekhyun make, this time it’s just talking - loud talking, <em>yelling</em> - and is Taeyong crying? </p><p>Doyoung takes a deep breath, turning around, walking away. As curious as he is to find out why they’re fighting, he knows it’s none of his business and Taeyong can do this on his own. </p><p>On his way downstairs he catches Jaehyun sitting by the fireplace with an open book in his lap. Doyoung must be hallucinating, because he hasn’t seen Jaehyun read a book in all the time they’ve known each other - it’s a strange sight.</p><p>“You okay?” Doyoung asks, sitting down across from him.</p><p>Jaehyun looks up with a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Yeah, fine.” He murmurs. Doyoung frowns.</p><p>“What’s up? You look down.” Jaehyun sighs and puts his book down.</p><p>“Nothing, just…” Jaehyun’s about to say something when Johnny barges out from the bedroom he shares with Jaehyun, pulling on his winter jacket. </p><p>“I’m going out.” He announces. Jongin looks up from where he’s sat by the kitchen table, browsing on his phone. “The girl from the lift earlier today, she invited me to her cabin.” He announces, like he's just won a game and wants to share his trophy.</p><p>“That’s gross.” Doyoung concludes, grimacing at his brother. Johnny just laughs as he bolts out the house, Jongin laughing with him. “He’s disgusting, couldn’t go one day without finding some ass.”</p><p>“Easy for you to say, you get that every night.” Jaehyun answers, rolling his eyes.</p><p>“I spent two hours watching Love Actually last night, and Taeyong got snot all over my pillow” </p><p>“Do you know what happened with Baekhyun?” Doyoung vaguely remembers telling a very uninterested Jaehyun that Baekhyun and Taeyong had broken up. He still seems equally as lacklustre about it. </p><p>“Not really.” Doyoung admits. A door slams upstairs just as he says it and he catches a wink of Baekhyun storming across the landing and into his own room. Jaehyun makes a face that Doyoung can’t help but snicker at, perhaps secretly enjoying the fight a little. </p><p>“He’s fine, you know.” Jaehyun offers. “Baekhyun I mean, I talked to him yesterday.”</p><p>“Yeah he seems <em>alright</em>.” Doyoung rolls his eyes. “I just wish I knew what happened, so I’d know if I should punch him or not.” </p><p>“You shouldn’t punch him, he’s your friend.” Doyoung snorts at the suggestion. “Your boyfriend’s <em>friend</em>.” </p><p>“It’s not like Baekhyun wouldn’t punch me if I hurt Chanyeol.” Jaehyun says nothing, but his eyes do the talking. “What? He wouldn’t.” </p><p>“Nothing!” Jaehyun puts his hands up in defense. Doyoung hates his smugness, the way he can say so much with just a simple look. He then catches the band-aid on Jaehyun’s thumb, frowning. </p><p>“Where’d you get that?” He asks, gesturing at Jaehyun’s finger. </p><p>“We pulled the beds apart in our bedroom, my hand got stuck between the bed and the wall.” Jaehyun explains. Doyoung snorts, shaking his head to himself. Of course they couldn’t handle sharing a double bed.</p><p>“Does he really smell so bad you had to get away from him?” Doyoung teases. He knows too much about the reason why Johnny can’t share a bed with Jaehyun, except Jaehyun can’t know that - Johnny would probably veto Doyoung out of their fraternity. </p><p>Jaehyun laughs and picks up his book again. </p><p>++</p><p>Doyoung can't sleep. </p><p>Taeyong isn’t there, so he lies awake staring at the ceiling, overthinking everything. Everything from why Baekhyun and Taeyong broke up, what it means for his own relationship and how the hell he’s going to fight himself through another week of <em>this. </em></p><p>It’s Junmyeon who catches him eventually. Doyoung is up in the kitchen at god knows what hour, trying to quietly make himself a cup of tea. The house is quiet, half of them at a sleazy after-ski party, the other half asleep. Doyoung had not expected anyone else up, so he jumps a little when Junmyeon suddenly walks into the kitchen. </p><p>“Hey.” He greets softly. Doyoung’s grown a lot closer to him, the only one of Chanyeol’s brothers that he actually has something in common with. They’re in the same major, and Junmyeon helped him find references for a paper he wrote last semester. </p><p>“Can’t sleep?” Doyoung asks. Junmyeon shrugs, sitting down next to him. “I was about to make tea, do you want any?”</p><p>“Yes please.” Junmyeon agrees, running a hand through his bedhead. “Sehun’s still awake, working on his stupid internship applications.” Doyoung hums, pouring another cup of hot water for Junmyeon. “I’m just overthinking.” </p><p>“Well I’m the <em>king</em> of overthinking, so lay it on me.” Doyoung offers. While he’s not exactly yearning to hear all about Junmyeon’s inner turmoil, he’s aching for anything but lying awake waiting for Taeyong to return. </p><p>“Everyone’s leaving next year.” Junmyeon complains. “Minseok is graduating. Jongdae and Baekhyun are off for their exchange semester, and while Chanyeol is staying it’ll just be the four of us and it’ll feel so <em>empty</em> around the house.”</p><p>“Chanyeol’s staying?” Doyoung asks. “I didn’t know he considered going.” He thinks out loud.</p><p>He knew both Baekhyun and Jongdae had applied for an exchange semester abroad, as one of their own brothers, Taeil, was currently away too. It was quite common at their university, top ranking students often being able to land themselves spots at prestigious partner universities. As a literature student, Doyoung had little interest in it - the material of his field of study having very little variety around the world. </p><p>But Chanyeol - Chanyeol hadn’t even mentioned going. He’d mentioned Baekhyun applying, even helping Baekhyun with his application - but never even hinted that he had interest in going too. Around the same time Baekhyun had received his letter of admission, Chanyeol had told Doyoung about the internship at a local research facility that he had gotten instead. </p><p>“He didn’t tell you?” Junmyeon asks, undeniably surprised. “I shouldn’t have told you this.” He goes back, putting his hand to cover his mouth, as if he could <em>just</em> take back this piece of information. </p><p>“Please.” Doyoung begs, not really sure <em>what</em> he’s asking. Now that he knows Chanyeol considered going abroad, practically leaving him for half a year - that changes things. “Did he tell you he isn’t going?” </p><p>“He just…” Junmyeon looks pained as he searches for the words. “He never handed in his application.” </p><p>Doyoung shouldn’t feel relieved, but he can’t help it. It’s stupid and selfish and he hates himself for it, but it smoothes over the jolts of panic in his mind. </p><p>“Why not?” Doyoung asks a little too quickly for comfort. Junmyeon senses the urgency, apparently not so diplomatic in the middle of the night. </p><p>“I think you can figure out why not.” He says. “It’s none of my business - I know you two have got it all figured out and you’re in it for the long run” he makes a vague hand gesture. “the alone-people don’t like hearing about the together-people.” </p><p>Figured out. The words ring a million alarm bells inside Doyoung’s head. They’ve got it all figured out, they’re in it for <em>the long run</em>. Doyoung does not have anything figured out, and he doesn’t do running (yet suddenly he feels the need to run very far away). Hearing Junmyeon talk about <em>them</em> so casually, like it was obvious - as if he and Chanyeol were the type of people others envied, like their relationship was <em>so</em> immaculate others used it as an example is a little surreal.</p><p>Doyoung doesn’t know <em>what </em>they have figured out, but apparently Junmyeon does. He considers asking him, but his brain gets stuck on the second part of the sentence. The long run - it’s not an exact period of time but apparently it’s long enough to cover the coming half year of their lives. </p><p>And apparently having it figured out means Chanyeol has free reign to make that kind of decision for himself, without ever as much as uttering a word about it to Doyoung.  </p><p>“I didn’t mean to offend you.” Junmyeon apologises after a long moment of silence. Doyoung’s tea is turning cold. </p><p>“You didn’t, don’t worry.” Doyoung brushes it off. “I didn’t know he was applying.” He admits sheepishly. </p><p>“Cute.” Junmyeon hushes, taking a sip from his tea. “He didn’t wanna bother you, so he didn’t tell you. It’s cute.” </p><p>It’s not cute. Nothing about this is cute. Doyoung is freaking out.</p><p>“I don’t…” Doyoung starts, not sure where he’s going. He doesn’t <em>want </em>that - he doesn’t want Chanyeol to not do things because he wants to be with Doyoung, that’s unhealthy and not a decision you should make so early in your relationship. Besides, Doyoung doesn’t want to be that person holding him back from doing what he wants - he would never forgive himself for that. </p><p>To make it all worse, Chanyeol didn’t trust him enough to tell him about the decision he made. Chanyeol hadn’t mentioned it at all, not even any hint that he was considering going. He had kept that all from him, and for what? Because he thought Doyoung couldn’t handle it? That wasn’t cute, it was mean. Doyoung <em>could</em> handle it, they were in a serious relationship and they could talk about this.</p><p>And while he’s worried and a little angry, he can’t help but feel overwhelmed in a good way. Chanyeol really thought of them like that, like it was permanent. As much as it is terrifying it’s also making his heart ache, in a <em>good</em> way. </p><p>He realises that it’s a good kind of ache as he sets down the empty cup of tea, thinking about how much he’s yearning just to see him. It’s silly, because they saw each other over dinner, but he had plans with his brothers that night (Minseok had rented two snow scooters for the week which were apparently <em>fun</em> to drive up and down cliffs). By the time they’d gotten back Doyoung had been trying (and failing) to fall asleep. </p><p>By now he would be back, probably fast asleep in his own bed. Just upstairs, drooling onto his own pillow like he always does in his sleep. Baekhyun is still out at some sleazy after ski that would probably last all night, which means that Chanyeol is asleep, alone. </p><p>He could very well just sneak in and see him. It would probably wake him up. He’d be a little grumpy, but all would be forgiven if Doyoung cuddled up next to him and spent the night there. </p><p>His feet are carrying him there before he can rationalise the thoughts, making their way up the stairs. He is still in his pyjamas, so nothing is holding him back and he goes straight for Chanyeol’s bedroom, cracking the door open carefully. </p><p>Much like he’d anticipated his boyfriend is asleep one of the single beds. It’s dark, but he can just make out the black messy bed hair against his pillow. He shuffles inside, soundlessly closing the door and traipsing over to Chanyeol’s bed. </p><p>Chanyeol does stir when he sits down on the side of the bed, rolling over onto his back. He’s still half asleep when Doyoung reaches out to brush his hair behind his ear, Chanyeol slowly showing signs of being awake. </p><p>“Hey.” Doyoung murmurs. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” Chanyeol slurs, barely intelligible. He reaches up to wipe some sleep from his eyes, squinting at Doyoung. </p><p>“Missed you” is what Doyoung says before he moves over, successfully curling himself into Chanyeol’s side. Chanyeol shifts to allow him more space, Doyoung resting his head on the same pillow. It’s a small bed, but they fit like clockwork by now, Chanyeol putting an arm around Doyoung and inching closer until Doyoung’s back is pressed to his chest. He slots one leg between Doyoung’s, resting his hand over Doyoung’s chest. </p><p>When he feels Chanyeol’s breath against his neck, Doyoung doesn’t really remember why he was upset to begin with, quickly closing his eyes and dozing off. </p><p>++</p><p>“Johnny, do you ever wake up in the morning and think, ‘maybe I won’t cause problems on purpose?”</p><p>Doyoung is busy scrubbing what appear to be coffee stains out of a white sweater. The sweater in question belongs to Jaehyun, which Johnny had borrowed, and now ruined with half a cup of coffee.</p><p>“I swear it was an accident.” Johnny pouts, standing next to Doyoung helplessly. </p><p>“Don’t tell me, tell Jaehyun.” Johnny sighs, banging his head against the counter. </p><p>Doyoung’s having a spectacularly awful day today. After waking up next to Chanyeol and peeling himself away, he headed into his own bedroom to find both Taeyong and Baekhyun passed out in the double bed he was supposed to sleep in. He then proceeded to help Taeyong into the shower and hold back his hair while he washed out last night's regrets. </p><p>After putting Taeyong back together, Johnny had come into their bedroom and panicked about the shirt, which left Doyoung no choice but to take it down to the kitchen and scrub the shirt in the sink. </p><p>“He’s gonna hate me” Johnny whines. “I have been a shit friend lately cause I can’t look him in the eyes without…” Johnny, a man of not many words, has no words spared for his giant crush on his best friend. When Johnny had told him (absolutely stoned) that he was in love with Jaehyun, Doyoung had just laughed, equally as high and not processing or believing a single word coming out of his brother’s mouth.</p><p>Then he’d told him again, Johnny drunk off his ass, Doyoung painfully sober as he drove them home from a party. Johnny had asked to stop at a drive through and ordered a thirty pack of chicken nuggets, only to announce that he didn’t <em>like</em> chicken nuggets but that they were Jaehyun’s favourite cheat food. Jaehyun, who had gone home with someone else at the same party. “I just love him so much, I would eat chicken nuggets <em>for</em> him. Like if he was here right now, we’d eat chicken nuggets together, y’know?” </p><p>Doyoung didn’t get it, but at least now he knew Johnny wasn’t fucking around with his ‘crush’. Johnny insisted on putting the cold chicken nuggets in Jaehyun’s bedroom when they got home, and then <em>smelled</em> Jaehyun’s bed sheets before finding his own bedroom. </p><p>The next morning Doyoung had to explain to his rushee why there were chicken nuggets on his nightstand. Johnny looked guilty as charged, but Doyoung was a good brother and said he’d misplaced them last night. Jaehyun had been a good brother and didn’t ask questions.  </p><p>Johnny is really the only bad brother, going against the rules of their fraternity by falling in love with one of their own. They always explicitly state this rule during initiations, underlining how they are <strong>family</strong>and family don’t do that. Platonic hook-ups were frowned upon but technically not illegal, falling in love with your best friend <em>was</em>. </p><p>“It’s just a shirt.” Doyoung assures, hanging it over a chair by the dining table. Johnny still has a point, they have been so painfully awkward lately, but Doyoung is using it more as a source of entertainment than anything else. As long as Jaehyun is fine, he has more pressing issues to cater to. </p><p>Evidently so, because Taeyong slumps into the kitchen about an hour later. Doyoung is trying to read up on some studying material, when Taeyong sinks down next to him on the sofa.</p><p>“Help me” Taeyong whines, curling into Doyoung’s side. “I made a mistake.” </p><p>“You slept with your ex.” Doyoung answers for him. Taeyong whines, burying his face in Doyoung’s sleeve. </p><p>“Can we please go out today?” Taeyong whines again, sounding nothing short of desperate.</p><p>“I know you’re sad but I’m not letting you run me over with your snowboard just to cheer you up.” </p><p>“We can just go up to the top cabin and drink gluhwein all day.” Taeyong urges, and Doyoung <em>cannot </em>say no to that offer which is how he finds himself in the ski lift, making his way up the mountain to do nothing but daydrink. Taeyong is unusually quiet, maybe a little more hungover than he wanted to admit. </p><p>When they’ve got two steaming cups of gluhwein and are seated on a comfortable lounge sofa, Taeyong suddenly wants to start talking. Doyoung interrupts him.</p><p>“Look, if you wanna talk about Baekhyun, please just tell me the whole story.” Doyoung defends. He’s <em>so</em> tired of overthinking his best friend’s relationship, there’s no <em>room </em>for that in their tiny cabin or in Doyoung’s head. </p><p>Taeyong looks a little bit lost at the sudden demanding question, but then sighs. </p><p>“Before Christmas, we had a fight.” Taeyong explains. Doyoung remembers vaguely how Taeyong had been distant, but had enough holiday worry of his own to concern with. Besides, Taeyong would always tell him if something was wrong, lest he didn’t want to. “He wanted to come home with me for Christmas, and I said it was a bad idea because we weren’t ready for that.”</p><p>Doyoung churns it over in his head. He doesn’t even remember asking Taeyong about his holiday plans, too caught up in his own, freaking out over how <em>he </em>was going to introduce Chanyeol to <em>his </em>parents. </p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Doyoung asks, even if he fears he knows the answer. </p><p>“Because I didn’t want to worry you.” Taeyong admits. He doesn’t seem ashamed about it, saying it very resolutely. “You were so worried about <em>your</em> parents, I didn’t want to make it worse.”</p><p>Doyoung falls silent, bites his lip to <em>keep</em> silent. It’s not like he wouldn't have been able to handle Taeyong’s fight or his issues  - that’s what best friends were for. If Taeyong told him, then Doyoung could help him (or at the very least comfort him). Maybe he <em>could</em> have punched Baekhyun and cancelled their trip. </p><p>“I can handle your feelings, you know that right?” Doyoung mutters. Taeyong smiles, bringing the glass to his lips to take a sip, buying himself some time to think it over. </p><p>“You can handle mine, but not your own.” Taeyong remarks. Doyoung’s hand curls into a fist, pursing his lips. “I didn’t want to make it your problem.” His best friend adds softly, eyes looking down shamefully.</p><p>Doyoung feels everything between anger, guilt, and so <em>thankful</em> that he has someone like Taeyong in his life. Taeyong is absolutely right, because Taeyong and Baekhyun breaking up sent Doyoung into a myriad of bad thoughts and doubts about himself and his relationship, even if it was in theory entirely unrelated. Taeyong dumping all this on him a day before Chanyeol was meeting his parents would have been <em>inconvenient</em> to say the least. </p><p>Taeyong looks at him with big pleading eyes, and Doyoung gets it - he’s done talking about it now. Doyoung blurts out the first thing he can think of. </p><p>“Chanyeol wants to plan a holiday.” Doyoung says, the tightness in his chest easing now that they’re talking about something else. “A <em>holiday</em>, like we’re actual adults going on trips together.” </p><p>“Why not?” Taeyong shrugs, offering the question like it’s the simplest thing in the world. He doesn’t even look appalled at the subject, like Doyoung had just announced what they’re having for dinner tonight. Like why <em>wouldn’t</em> Doyoung go on a holiday with his boyfriend. </p><p>“Summer break is months away, and he already wants to plan things, isn’t that a little overboard?” Doyoung tries to pose it casually, like it’s not freaking him out that Chanyeol wants to make <em>plans</em> as a couple. Taeyong does not need to know how badly he’s freaking out over this. </p><p>(Taeyong does know, he always does.)</p><p>“Why not? Are you fighting?” Taeyong asks. Doyoung laughs and shakes his head. They don’t <em>fight</em>. They disagree and they get angry and they talk about it, but Doyoung doesn’t have the energy to ignore Chanyeol for days on end, and Chanyeol is <em>too</em> clingy to get rid of. The idea of them fighting is still foreign to him. “So?”</p><p>So? Doyoung bites his lip. He thinks about Taeyong, breaking off his one year relationship because of one disagreement. He thinks about how fragile it is, how it’s such a coincidence that he even found someone like Chanyeol  (really, had Taeyong never met Baekhyun, then Doyoung would’ve never been a petty basketcase chasing after Chanyeol), and how it can all just <em>disappear</em> so easily. </p><p>How can you make plans when everything can fall apart from one day to another? It hurts just to remember how awful he felt that night at the party, the way they’d <em>looked</em> at each other but hadn’t really seen one another. The closest thing they’d come to an actual fight. </p><p>“You’re being silly.” Taeyong points out. “You’re thinking of all the worst case scenarios, and that’s ridiculous. You two are good together, you love each other - I’m sure you can go on a holiday together.”</p><p>“We <em>what</em> now?” Doyoung urges, looking at Taeyong with wide eyes. </p><p>“It’s just a holiday, even if you hate it, you’ll be back home in no time.” Doyoung shakes his head adamantly. </p><p>“No, no, that other part, not about the holiday, the…” Doyoung feels like he’s twelve years old, like he’s afraid of boys all over again, stammering just thinking about it.</p><p>“That you’re good together, that you love each other?” Taeyong poses, frowning at Doyoung.</p><p>“Yeah, that part.” Doyoung confirms, mulling the thought over in his head. They <em>love</em> each other? Doyoung had never put it like that. They’d been dating for close to a year and they were steady, they really <em>liked</em> each other, but Doyoung hadn’t considered the <em>love</em> thing. Doyoung, who has never been in love before, most likely an expert on the topic, was pretty sure they weren't in love. </p><p>“You haven’t said the <em>I love you’s</em>?” Taeyong questions, putting it like it’s an activity you just haven’t done yet. </p><p>“That would mean we actually love each other.” Doyoung affirms, pursing his lips. </p><p>“And you don’t?” Taeyong does not look convinced at all, and Doyoung is done talking about this, taking a sip from his gluhwein. “Doyoung” Taeyong whines, urging for an answer.</p><p>“Shut up” Doyoung mutters, glaring at him. “I don’t want to talk about this.”</p><p>“Doyoung please, I am miserable, the love of my life left me, I deserve entertainment.” Taeyong whines, pouting at Doyoung helplessly. </p><p>“What you need is something to drink, I’m getting us a bottle.” </p><p>++</p><p>It’s been a long time since Doyoung engaged in day drinking, and he has the redness in his cheeks to prove it as they arrive back at the cabin. It’s late in the afternoon but Doyoung is already clumsily bumping into Taeyong as they walk up to the front door. </p><p>It’s warm inside, which makes his cheeks even redder as he steps out of his gear. Minseok’s cooking dinner, a fire burning in the fireplace where everyone else is lounging around. Jongin and Jaehyun are playing on Taeyong’s switch, creating a pleasant busy background noise. Everyone’s either just returned from their day out on the tracks, or spent the day lazing around the cabin. </p><p>Apparently they’re having a bonfire tonight, but Doyoung is certain he’s not going to be able to stay awake for that long, so he searches out his room in need of a nap. Taeyong is god knows where which means he’s alone in their bedroom, free to sprawl out in the middle of the bed and let his eyes slip close.</p><p>He doesn’t sleep right away, settling into a nice pattern of overthinking about everything he’d just told Taeyong. Taeyong who had just broken off his own relationship yet seemed entirely convinced that Doyoung’s relationship was developing very naturally into being the kind of couple that makes future plans together. Even Junmyeon had said something about it, which meant everyone was seeing <em>it </em>between them except for Doyoung himself. </p><p>Chanyeol had grown into his life so easily that it was strange to think he’d ever been without. He’s the first person he thinks about in the morning (and admittedly also who he thinks about in bed when he’s alone), and whenever he needs to vent about his day or something frustrates or amuses him, Chanyeol is the one he wants to share it with. That is natural, he can't really imagine it being any other way. </p><p>But love? Love was something greater, something overwhelming - wasn’t it? It should make him feel dizzy with want and need. That’s how he’d witnessed his friends doing it, going stupid sad over people they couldn’t have. That pain and uncertainty, that’s what love amounts to in his head. While it might not be entirely accurate - the thought alone of needing someone that much gave him anxiety. Being with Chanyeol was the complete opposite, he never felt anxious - always felt like he just <em>knew</em> he could count on him, and never second guessed that. Surely something so simple and natural couldn’t mean they were <em>in love</em>. </p><p>Then again, the thought of being without Chanyeol, that did make him anxious. He couldn’t imagine being like Taeyong and Baekhyun, close but not together - physical but reserved, Doyoung couldn’t do that. As much as he planned and thought everything through, he couldn’t be with someone without being completely honest and open with them. He could not see the two of them being just friends, as looking at Chanyeol always made his heart ache with need to be closer - but is that love? It feels not enough but overwhelming at the same time. </p><p>Most of all, Doyoung is worried that all he can do is overthink and not really <em>feel</em> the spontaneity of it, the hunch that he is in love. And if it isn’t love - then what are they doing, and where are they heading? </p><p>Is it just casual, something they’ve got while it’s convenient? Doyoung’s done casual and he can’t imagine introducing casual to his parents, making plans for the future, altering his <em>own</em> plans for the future - it’s not what you do for casual. Casual doesn’t stick around for nearly a year. Causal doesn’t make you terrified just thinking about losing it.</p><p>Eventually he falls asleep, the thoughts still heavy on his mind. </p><p>++</p><p>The bonfire crackles gently by the time Doyong comes outside. He’s brought a blanket curled over his shoulders, because even if the fire is warm, outside it’s literally freezing and his joints are stiff enough as it is. There are cans of beer drilled down in the snow, nice and chilly. Doyoung sits down on a tree stump next to Chanyeol, who allows him to fit into his side. </p><p>Taeyong sits next to Jongin, and a few people down the circle Baekhyun is chatting with Junmyeon who is trying and failing to roast marshmallows. </p><p>“Never have I ever been high in class.” Jongin suddenly pipes up. Apparently Doyoung had joined them in the middle of a drinking game.</p><p>Sehun snorts, eyeing Junmyeon suspiciously as the Chi-Epsilon leader takes a gulp of his drink. “We’re never letting Minseok bake brownies <em>ever</em> again.” Junmyeon concludes. “I swear that was an accident.” </p><p>“If I took literature I would also need weed to get through class.” Baekhyun argues. When he speaks, everyone naturally looks at him - But Taeyong seems to <em>glare</em> at him, and Doyoung has sobered up enough to notice. </p><p>“Says the double major” Junmyeon retorts, clearing his throat. “Okay, never have I ever gone without a shower for more than a week.” </p><p>“Ah man” Jongin whines after he drinks. “That is not fair, everyone’s done that at some point.” </p><p>“Some of us have personal hygiene standards.” Minseok jabs, making a face at Jongin who dutifully drinks. </p><p>“Okay” Jongin says, hands up in defense “never have I ever kept tabs on how often my brother showers.” </p><p>Everyone laughs, the Chi-Epsilon members now all taking a sip. </p><p>“Never have I ever showered <em>with</em> one of my brothers.” Baekhyun offers, which seems like a given. Everyone drinks, Doyoung doing the same. When he still shared a bedroom (and thus a bathroom) with Taeyong, he had at some point shared the shower with Taeyong when they were both dead tired after a night out and had spent the entire car ride bickering about who got to shower first - to no resolution. They both showered first. </p><p>There’s a few more questions. To no one's surprise, Doyoung manages to come through relatively sober, nowhere near as adventurous as his brothers. Johnny seems to take the worst hit, not only adventurous but also the <em>asshole</em> that doesn’t text back, gives out fake numbers and asks people to get out of his bed in the morning without offering them breakfast. </p><p>Then it’s Taeyong’s turn to ask a question. He’s been eyeing Baekhyun all night, and Doyoung is sitting too far away to decipher if Taeyong is angry, horny - or maybe a combination of the both. It all makes sense when Taeyong says “never have I ever cheated on my partner.” </p><p>The laughter dies down, the crackling noise from the bonfire suddenly the only thing that can be heard over the sound of their breathing. </p><p>Baekhyun looks at Taeyong, mouth open in shock. Taeyong looks entirely unaffected, as if he’s playing a part he’s rehearsed for ages. He looks around the group, like he’s gauging who’s going to drink this round - but everyone is caught up looking at either Taeyong or Baekhyun. </p><p>It feels like hours but it’s probably just seconds, the silence and the way everyone suddenly turns stiff. Although Baekhyun and Taeyong hadn’t officially told everyone they weren’t together anymore, people assumed that since they weren’t sharing a bedroom, something was wrong - naturally everyone now <em>knew</em> what had gone wrong. </p><p>Taeyong stands up abruptly, grabbing his cup, throwing it directly at Baekhyun. Some of the liquid lands over the fire, hissing loudly, but most of it actually soaks Baekhyun from the top of his head down into his clothes. He shrieks in shock, standing up too. </p><p>Baekhyun cheated on Taeyong, that’s what had happened. That’s what Taeyong hadn’t told Doyoung, because of course he didn’t want to <em>burden </em>him. But Taeyong shouldn’t <em>have</em> to be burdened in the first place, deserving so much better than this. Doyoung is both shocked and furious at the same time, his heart hammering in his chest as he watches the ordeal in front of him. </p><p>Taeyong looks dejected as he stands there for another moment, looking at Baekhyun as if trying to convey how angry he feels - but it’s nothing compared to how <em>livid </em>Doyoung is right now. He feels a hundred degrees and it’s not just the fire, a surge of hot white light energy coursing through him and before he knows it he’s on his feet, sprinting around the fire and punching Baekhyun square in the face. </p><p>Doyoungs never punched anyone before and he’s not prepared for how much it hurts. His whole fist feels like it’s shattering when it collides with Baekhyun’s cheek, and he regrets it the moment he lets go and pulls his hand back.</p><p>Baekhyun falls down against Minseok, who steadies him and helps him sit down. There’s blood trickling down from Baekhyun’s nose and now Doyoung feels lightheaded as well, looking down at his own hand in disbelief.</p><p>Everything is chaos from there on. Junmyeon shoots up to stand between Doyoung and Baekhyun, but Doyoung is already retreating, both Jaehyun and Johnny holding onto his shoulders to gently coax him back. Doyoung barely registers anything at all, doesn't notice the way Taeyong is crying, Junmyeon is panicking and Baekhyun is whining in pain. All of it is one big blur until he’s sat by the kitchen island and Johnny is putting an ice pack against his bruised hand. </p><p>“Do you think it’s broken?” Doyoung asks pathetically, hissing at the coolness. </p><p>“What? Baekhyun’s nose was still straight as far as I could see-“</p><p>“My hand” Doyoung whines, interrupting Jaehyun.</p><p>“Can you move it?” Johnny asks gently. Doyoung tries and succeeds, whining in pain all the way through. “That’s good. If it was broken that would have hurt a lot more.” </p><p>“Thank god.” Doyoung breathes in relief, looking at his pathetic already swollen hand. “Is Taeyong-” He starts next, thinking back to what’s happened and why he’s here bruised to begin with.</p><p>“Upstairs in his room, he’s a little upset but he’s fine.” Right, and then -</p><p>“Doyoung!” It’s Chanyeol’s voice, sounding relieved to see him as he enters the cabin. “Are you okay? Does it hurt a lot?”</p><p>Doyoung blinks, enjoying the absurdity of the situation. He just punched Chanyeol’s best friend in the face and he’s asking Doyoung if he’s okay? </p><p>“I’m fine, it’s not broken.” Doyoung finally admits after a breath of silence, Chanyeol sitting down on the barstool next to him, brushing a hand over his shoulder in concern. </p><p>Johnny and Jaehyun look at each other, before silently agreeing to leave the two alone. At least Doyoung’s suffering has brought them together. </p><p>“I’ve never seen you like that, you were terrifying.” Doyoung can’t help but laugh at Chanyeol’s sheepish statement, secretly enjoying the attention he’s getting. </p><p>“I don’t know what came over me.” Doyoung explains. “I’ve never punched anyone before, I’m <em>not</em> violent I just-“ he stops himself before saying that he’s still furious, preventing the anger from flaring up again. He has one more hand to go after all. “I’m sorry.” </p><p>“Don’t apologise babe” Chanyeol says. “I get it, you were angry, I would have done the same.” </p><p>Doyoung is pretty sure he’s still on some high from outside, unable to believe what he’s hearing. Chanyeol gets it? That’s it? No <em>you just hurt one of the most important people in my life</em> rant? He’s not even angry? This is all he has to say? Comforting Doyoung - that’s why he’s here? </p><p>It’s silent for a long moment as Doyoung thinks about what to say next. He’s half convinced that Chanyeol <em>should</em> take Baekhyun’s side, all in all he’s the one with a potentially broken nose - but that would mean he has to leave, and Doyoung would rather not be alone right now. He’s too selfish to think about the broken nose victim. </p><p>“I’m still sorry, I really ruined tonight.” Doyoung admits, thinking back to the rest of the audience and how shocked they must be - how any plans of a nice chill bonfire evening have been shattered. </p><p>“I think Taeyong and Baekhyun had that covered.” Chanyeol offers, and Doyoung sighs in relief. </p><p>“I should apologise.” Doyoung says, to whom he does not want to specify - probably to Baekhyun, but also to everyone else involved.</p><p>“Minseok took Baekhyun to the emergency room to check if his nose is broken.” Chanyeol explains.</p><p>“Oh god” Doyoung whines in embarrassment, hiding his face in his good hand. “I can’t believe I did that, I swear I’ve never punched someone before, I’m <em>not-“</em></p><p>“I <em>know</em>.” Chanyeol interrupts him, gently squeezing Doyoung’s shoulder. Doyoung’s heart aches, it’s so comforting just to have him here, even if he’s not doing anything in particular. </p><p>It’s a little overwhelming. The overthinking, the tenseness that has been lingering in the cabin all day, the sudden explosion of anger he’d felt, the relief and shame he’d felt afterwards, but most of all there’s the <em>need</em>. </p><p>He glances at Chanyeol briefly, before awkwardly sliding off the barstool and throwing his good arm around Chanyeol’s shoulder, burying his face in Chanyeol’s chest. His scent is strong, and Doyoung’s mind is going absolutely haywire and yet at the same time a sense of calmness settles over him. It’s like Chanyeol’s a warm comforting blanket, like everything is a little fuzzier and less painful when he’s there. </p><p>Chanyeol kisses the top of his head, running his hand up and down Doyoung’s back comfortingly. It’s a small touch yet Doyoung feels every inch of it linger on his skin, revels in the soothing traces it leaves. He feels like crying, and at the same time nothing short of euphoric, like his chest is positively exploding - like if Chanyeol holds him any longer they might just melt together permanently, and he wouldn’t mind. There’s nowhere else he would want to be. </p><p>They stay like that for a while, it feels like it could be hours - long enough for Doyoung to calm down and gather his thoughts. </p><p>“You okay?” Chanyeol asks when Doyoung finally sits back on his own chair. The ice pack has nearly melted.</p><p>“Yeah.” Doyoung breathes, nodding to himself. Chanyeol steps away briefly to get another ice pack from the fridge, very gently switching them out and arranging the new cooling pack on Doyoung’s bruised knuckles. “Thanks.” Doyoung murmurs. </p><p>Chanyeol just squeezes his wrist gently. Doyoung’s heart somersaults. </p><p>++</p><p>When Doyoung returns to his own bedroom, Taeyong is already in bed. The lights are off but he’s definitely awake, eyes open as he stares at the ceiling. He recognises it all too well,  the stiff way Taeyong greets him and the half awkward atmosphere that hangs in the room. It’s the next stage of heart break, confession. </p><p>At times Taeyong gets really sentimental and tries to make bigger pictures out of everything. It’s not necessarily a heartbreak thing, but more a Taeyong thing. Doyoung has learned exactly how to proceed, quietly getting in bed next to his best friend. </p><p>It’s silent for all of thirty seconds before Taeyong speaks. </p><p>“He didn’t <em>cheat</em>.” Taeyong says out of the blue. Doyoung first reaction is to <em>yell </em>because what the fuck, then decides against it, leaving Taeyong to fill in whatever he wants to say. “I told him to go, I said I didn’t want him anymore.” Taeyong explains. “I said we were done.”</p><p>“When?” </p><p>“After Christmas break, the night I came home he came over.” Taeyong murmurs. “We argued all evening, and then I kicked him out.” </p><p>Taeyong sighs deeply.</p><p>“He went out, got drunk, slept with someone.” Taeyong explains. “Junmyeon called me the next morning, asked if Baekhyun was with me because he wasn’t answering his phone.” Well he wasn’t with Taeyong, that much Doyoung knows. Taeyong had come up to his room that night. He hadn’t said anything but just snuck into Doyoung’s bed and then proceeded to fall asleep. In hindsight Doyoung should have known Taeyong was hurt. “I <em>knew</em>, I just <em>knew</em> he’d done it. I asked him, and he didn’t even deny it, but he said we were <em>done</em> so it didn’t matter.” </p><p>Doyoung can hear the hurt in Taeyong’s voice, the little tremble that he tries to bite through with deep breaths and planned silences. </p><p>“So we weren’t together, technically, and he can do whatever he wants.” Taeyong says, but he doesn’t sound convinced. “I don’t have any reason to be angry and yet…” </p><p>And yet it <em>hurts</em> so much just to hear Taeyong say it, Doyoung can’t help but feel the anger flare up again. He’s relieved Baekhyun’s already in the hospital, else he would’ve gone across the hall and made sure to put him there. </p><p>(Except he probably wouldn’t. He’s <em>not</em> a violent person and he doesn’t want to shock Chanyeol like that again. He doesn’t want to come back to his boyfriend like a lost puppy and ask for comfort again. He won’t.)</p><p>“Doyoung?” Taeyong asks tentatively, voice lighter now that he’s taken a moment to collect himself.</p><p>“Yeah.” Doyoung breathes, if only to indicate that he’s still awake and listening. </p><p>“I love him.” Taeyong’s voice is small, but he sounds sure of it. </p><p><em>I really do</em>. Doyoung thinks, but bites his lip. This is not about him, this is not the place for him to feel giddy all over thinking about just how much he <em>does </em>love him. Taeyong doesn’t sound happy at all - he’s almost regretful. It’s nothing like the kind of love Doyoung thinks about. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Doyoung offers instead. He’s not sure for what, maybe he’s sorry Taeyong makes stupid decisions and falls for the wrong people. Maybe he’s sorry he didn’t work harder to stop Taeyong from making bad decisions.</p><p>“Yeah” Taeyong agrees, as if that’s the right thing to say. “But Doyoung?” He asks again.</p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Don’t be stupid.” Is all Taeyong says, then he rolls over onto his side, facing away from Doyoung. The room falls silent and in the darkness Doyoung closes his eyes, fearing that it’s already too late because Doyoung is <em>very</em> stupid. </p><p>++</p><p>Doyoung stands inside his bedroom, pressing his ear to the door, listening to any sign of Baekhyun being out there. He’s usually loud, so as long as he can't hear him - he should be good. </p><p>He doesn’t hear Baekhyun, instead the house is strangely quiet. Jaehyun is up and sitting by the fireplace, reading a book. This sight should be even stranger, but it’s a view Doyoung has grown accustomed to this week. Jaehyun asks him how his hand is in passing, and Doyoung brushes him off, anxiously approaching Junmyeon sitting by the kitchen table. </p><p>“Good morning.”Junmyeon greets. There’s coffee ready, all Doyoung has to do is pour himself a cup, but that would involve actually passing by Junmyeon and he’s afraid to do that. </p><p>“Look, I need to apologise - I shouldn’t have… done that last night.” Doyoung starts. He looks at the ground as he says it, way too nervous to look Junmyeon in the eye. </p><p>“Punch Baekhyun?” Junmyeon questions. “Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.”  Junmyeon answers nonchalantly, shrugging. “Besides, he’s fine, he’s just got a black eye and his nose wasn’t broken. He got up early to go skiing even.” </p><p>“Ah so he isn’t here?” Doyoung thinks out loud. Junmyeon snorts, shaking his head.</p><p>“You don’t have to be afraid that he’s like… going to punch you back.” Junmyeon offers it as a joke, but Doyoung <em>has </em>been afraid that Baekhyun is plotting revenge. “He brought that all on himself, you know Baekhyun is going to punch you when you pull something like this on Chanyeol.” </p><p>“He would?” Doyoung asks in apprehension, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>“I don’t think he’ll have to, you don’t strike me as the type.” Doyoung chuckles, but like most things Junmyeon says it’s anything but lighthearted - it holds implications, too many for this early in the morning. “We’re all going out tonight, tomorrow is our last day here, and since no one agreed to be the designated driver we’re doing the last apres ski today.” Junmyeon informs him, and Doyoung nods. </p><p>“Sounds good.” Doyoung agrees, stirring through his coffee. “Is everyone out already?” </p><p>“Johnny’s still in I think.” Junmyeon agrees “and Jongin is hungover, so he won’t be out all day.” </p><p>Doyoung hums, taking his coffee and sauntering into the living room. He sits down across from Jaehyun, who is still invested in his book. </p><p>“What are you reading?” </p><p>“Me before you.” Jaehyun says, not lifting his eyes. “Jongin lent me it.” </p><p>Doyoung does a double take at the mention. Jaehyun does not seem like a romance novel enthusiast, but has always been a hopeless romantic, so he <em>can</em> make sense of it. What surprises him more is that Jongin is into the same kind of evil. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” Jaehyun says just as Doyoung starts to enjoy his silence accompanied by his coffee. </p><p>“Is this one of those hypothetical questions where it’s really about you but you won't admit it?” Usually this is how Jaehyun asks for advice. Doyoung’s not bad at giving it, but Jaehyun is absolutely terrible at listening. Nothing about ‘can I ask you something’ ever ends well with Jaehyun. </p><p>Jaehyun ignores that jab and puts his book down. “So hypothetically if you had a crush on someone for like… a long time, but that person has no interest in you - and always made that <em>very </em>clear, so then you decide to sleep with a mutual friend, you know, <em>for fun</em> - would that give the person you have a crush on the right to be mad?” </p><p>Doyoungs brain explodes. It’s too early for any of this, and he is too stressed and emotional to deal with <em>anything</em> else. Jaehyun could tell him he broke his little toenail and Doyoung would probably start crying, that’s how emotionally capable he is right now. This is not something he wants to add to his list of problems. “What the fuck did you do.” He demands, raising his voice.</p><p>“Hypothetically!” Jaehyun urges, putting his hands up in defense. “I slept with Jongin last night.” </p><p>Doyoung spits out his coffee. </p><p>Most of it lands on the table, but a droplet makes it onto Jaehyun’s face, exactly what he deserves. </p><p>“Why?” He yells in panic, eyes wide as he glares at Jaehyun. “You can get laid literally anywhere else and you had to do it <em>here </em>in this household-“</p><p>“You did it too!” Jaehyun argues. “You fucked someone else because you were <em>jealous.</em>” </p><p>“That’s different!” Doyoung argues “That was ages ago, and I fell in love with him, it wasn’t just <em>convenient</em>.” </p><p>Doyoung realises what he says a little too late, he’s already <em>said </em>it. Luckily only Jaehyun is around to hear it, and he doesn’t look surprised to hear it. He can freak out about it later, in private, where Jaehyun isn’t around to mock him, because that’s the <em>last </em>thing he needs now. </p><p>“I could fall in love-“ Jaehyun argues stubbornly, not even trying to sound convincing.  </p><p>“You’re full of shit.” Doyoung concludes. “Now who is this <em>fool</em> that you’re chasing after, because if it’s Jungwoo then I will personally castrate you.” </p><p>“It’s not.” Jaehyun concludes. Doyoung had been furious during freshers week when their two rushees decided to hook up, lecturing him on why we don’t sleep with our own, only for Jaehyun to call him a hypocrite when he found Taeyong and Doyoung in bed together. “It’s Johnny.” </p><p>“That’s disgusting.” Doyoung concludes. “You’re kidding right? </p><p>“No.” Jaehyun looks dead serious, as regretful as he seems. </p><p>“That’s why you were eating ice cream in the middle of the night and reading all this garbage? Over <em>him?</em>” Doyoung reasons out loud. He does his very best not to put the pieces together in his head, because if he tells Jaehyun that Johnny feels the same way, Johnny will never forgive him. Even if he just hints the slightest that he knows more than he’s letting in on, Jaehyun will break him until he spills. He’s never been good at being diplomatic, but he has to try his best for the sake of his fraternity. </p><p>“This is just brilliant, couldn’t go a single week without all of us fucking up.” Doyoung bites out, shaking his head to himself in disapproval. </p><p>“He won’t talk to me!” Jaehyun whines, furrowing his brow anxiously. “This morning when I… when we woke up, he wouldn’t even <em>look</em> at me.” </p><p>“Of course he wouldn’t.” Doyoung laughs bitterly, shaking his head to himself at the stupidity he’s hearing. “You two are the stupidest people I have ever met.” He announces. Jaehyun isn’t even listening, still eager to get his point across. </p><p>“But it’s not fair!” He slaps his hands down like an impatient child. “He can sleep with whoever he wants, he does it all the time - and I’m not mad, I just… <em>hurt</em>.” Jaehyun seems sad at his own conclusion, like he only just realised how pitiful it is to sit around and watch the one you love fuck other people. </p><p>“Dumb as rocks the both of you, I swear to god.” Doyoung shakes his head to himself, finishing his coffee and putting it down on the table demonstratively, getting up from the sofa.</p><p>“No, Doyoung - where are you going?” Jaehyun whines, watching Doyoung go up the stairs to his bedroom.</p><p>“I’m going to grab you a pair of big boy pants so you can put them on and apologise to Jongin, and then <em>talk</em> to Johnny.” </p><p>He slams the door resolutely as he retreats to his room. </p><p>++</p><p>“Don’t talk to me” Doyoung says to whoever enters his bedroom. He spent all day moping, worrying about his fraternity falling apart if Jaehyun and Johnny can’t get their shit together, pining over how he just said out loud that he’s <em>in love</em> with Chanyeol (to Jaehyun of all people), and endlessly going on in his head about poor Taeyong. Poor Taeyong who had miraculously enough risen from the dead this morning and gone on about his day like nothing happened last night. In between agonizing he tries to get some reading done and catch up on sleep. </p><p>“Don’t wanna talk” Chanyeol murmurs. The bed dips behind Doyoung and soon Chanyeol is pulling Doyoung back against his chest, arms slipping around his waist to hold him. He kisses his neck softly, lips lingering as he kisses up to behind his ear, hand trailing lower down Doyoung’s tummy. </p><p>Doyoung swats his hand away. He wasn’t done enjoying the peace and quiet, and as easily as Chanyeol can convince him of something else, he just wants to rest a little longer.</p><p>“You’re going to hatch an egg one day with all the brooding you do.” Chanyeol jokes, poking Doyoung’s belly button. Doyoung kicks his shin, but laughs nonetheless. </p><p>“I have to lay an egg before I can actually brood it, and I’m a mammal, I can’t lay eggs.” Doyoung corrects him. </p><p>“Wrong. There are mammals that lay eggs, platypus do.” </p><p>“Do I look like a platypus?” </p><p>“Well you do have this <em>pout</em> that kind of- '' Doyoung attempts to hit him again, but Chanyeol catches his hand and pins it back against the pillow to keep him down. With his other hand he grabs Doyoung’s chin so he can lean down and kiss him.</p><p>Doyoung whines into the kiss, initially hesitant but now fully invested, grabbing onto Chanyeol's sweater to start taking it off.</p><p>“Actually” Chanyeol pulls away, wiping his spit slicked lips. “Since platypus are aquatic mammals, I came here to tell you that everyone’s either asleep or gone out, so I thought we could go for a swim.” </p><p>Doyoung’s tired and if Chanyeol had suggested they nap for a couple hours he would’ve agreed in a heartbeat, so it takes a bit more coercion (Chanyeol promising to never call him a platypus again) but Doyoung agrees. </p><p>They are in fact alone in the basement, where Chanyeol pushes him into the pool and then laughs triumphantly like he’s five years old. Doyoung engages him in an equally childish game of splashing water at each other, before taking advantage of the fact that they’re alone in the basement. </p><p>After defiling the pool they settle in the hot tub, the warm water jets a pleasant distraction for Doyoung, who after a week of winter sports feels like he has the back of an 80 year old. </p><p>“I really want a hot tub at home” Doyoung whines, pushing his back against the jets to massage the sore spots. </p><p>“That’s a pretty big investment for an anniversary gift.” Chanyeol says with a laugh. At the mention of their anniversary, Doyoung is right back to worrying.</p><p>Silence hangs between them as he looks at Chanyeol. He’s an open book, Doyoung can always see exactly how he’s feeling, a little worn out from swimming, but also very relaxed. So if Chanyeol is always an open book, why didn’t he tell him about the exchange semester? Doyoung bites his lip and Chanyeol can tell right away that somethings wrong.</p><p>“What’s up?” Chanyeol asks, gently stroking his foot past Doyoung’s ankle underwater. </p><p>“You haven’t told me you were considering going on exchange.” Doyoung blurts out.</p><p>Chanyeol’s face falls. Of all possible things that could’ve been bothering Doyoung, he probably wasn’t expecting this.</p><p>“I wasn’t considering it.” Chanyeol disagrees, and Doyoung frowns.</p><p>“Junmyeon said you filled in the papers but you never handed it in.” Doyoung objects. </p><p>“Well I never wanted to hand them in.” Chanyeol says, but he looks an awful lot like a kid that just got caught stealing candy, entirely unconvincing.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me you were thinking about it?” </p><p>“I didn’t want to bother you.” He says, and Doyoung is <em>so </em>tired of hearing that.</p><p>“Everyone keeps saying that and yet I’m still always bothered, so don’t give me that.” Doyoung bites out. </p><p>Chanyeol pauses at Doyoung’s sudden sharp words, looking at him in surprise. Doyoung only feels a little guilty, most of all frustrated. </p><p>“Okay, you wanna hear it?” Chanyeol asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “I considered going, yes, and then I got the internship here. I told you about <em>that</em>. After I got the internship I didn’t even consider going, because I could have two things I wanted here, rather than one abroad.” </p><p>Two things he wanted. One of them being Doyoung. His heart stutters. </p><p>“If I had told you I was considering going abroad before knowing, you would have done nothing but worry. I know what you get like, you <em>hate</em> uncertainty, so I wasn’t going to tell you until I knew.” He explains, and Doyoung <em>hates</em> him, because he’s absolutely right.</p><p>If Chanyeol had shown up on his doorstep and told him he might be going away for a year, Doyoung would’ve probably told him to <em>go </em>so he could have a mental breakdown in peace. Not because he couldn’t handle being away from him for six months, but because he had no idea what that would entail for their relationship. Would they end things while he was away? Keep in touch through awkward long distance calls? Send late night texts about how much they missed each other? Doyoung doesn’t even want to think about it now, even when he knows that Chanyeol is staying because there are <em>two </em>things he wants right here.</p><p>Doyoung being one of them. </p><p>He’d dwelled on if a lot, the L word that Taeyong had so casually thrown at him. But now, it wasn’t an <em>if</em> he loved him - it was how long he could keep it to himself. </p><p>“You’re right.” Doyoung admits. “I would’ve hated that.” </p><p>“I’m always right.” Chanyeol says triumphantly. Doyoung would disagree, but he’s a little too infatuated to argue anymore.</p><p>++</p><p>The apres ski is full of bad eurodance music and poor social etiquette, but Doyoung still manages to enjoy himself as he, Taeyong and Jaehyun sit by a fireplace chugging one too many alcoholic beverages. Doyoung knows that Jaehyun is pretty miserable, as it seems he didn’t put on his big boy pants and solve any of his problems, and <em>everyone</em> knows that Taeyong is miserable, which makes them miserable squared - with Doyoung and his heavy heart the cherry on top. </p><p>He’s missed this - just him and his brothers sharing their misery. Back when they first joined the frat, most nights were spent like this, agonising over professors they hated and regretting the amount of alcohol they drank the day before. </p><p>“I’m gonna head to the bathroom.” Doyoung announces, getting up from his seat. The crowd is thick and it takes him a while to find the bathroom, which is thankfully empty.</p><p>Not until he exits the stall and is washing his hands does someone else enter.</p><p>Baekhyun.</p><p>While they had arrived together and been completely civil, Doyoung had yet to be confronted with him like this after the incident.</p><p>“Hi.” Baekhyun greets stupidly. He’s also very buzzed, everyone eager to get the most out of their last night out here. His eye is still a little bruised, most of it covered in foundation. It’s probably not a very good pick up line, a black eye and swollen nose. It serves him right. </p><p>“Hello” Doyoung greets equally as lame. He leans back against the sink as Baekhyun gets closer. “I’m uh - sorry” he hiccups between words, so he tries again: “sorry, about last night - about your face.” </p><p>“You’re sorry about my face? It’s a good face.” Baekhyun teases, smirking at himself in the mirror as he examines the damage. </p><p>“Sorry about the…. how angry I was. With my fist. In your face.” </p><p>“Right, that.” Baekhyun says, as if he’s only just remembering that it was Doyoung who did that to his face. “Don’t worry about it, I kind of deserved it.” </p><p>“Yes.” Doyoung agrees breathily. “You really do.” </p><p>“Look, Doyoung” Baekhyun hiccups for good measure. “I know you don’t like me, because you don’t think anyone is good enough for Taeyong, but-“</p><p>“I don’t like you for a lot of reasons.” Doyoung points out. Baekhyun laughs and shakes his head dismissively.</p><p>“Fine. Anyways.” Baekhyun spaces out, looking at Doyoung in the mirror. “‘M gonna leave” He explains, making vague hand gestures. “Next year I’m gonna leave, and Taeyong’s gonna be sad - so you’re gonna have to help him.” </p><p>“Leave?” Doyoung asks. He doesn’t even sound hopeful. As messy as Baekhyun and Taeyong’s relationship is, he also knows it makes Taeyong happier than he’s ever seen him. He won’t admit it to their faces, but he knows that despite their flaws and differences they are good for each other. </p><p>As long as either one of them doesn’t <em>leave</em>.</p><p>“M going to-“ Baekhyun hiccups through the word “on exchange.” </p><p>“Where?” Doyoung asks, but he knows exactly what he means. Baekhyun is going away for half a year and Taeyong, well, Taeyong will still be here.</p><p>“To Canada” he finally says after thinking about it. “Vancouver, they have a great literature program.”</p><p>“Congratulations.” Doyoung says. It’s not even spiteful, he means it at least a little bit.</p><p>“Thanks.” Baekhyun concludes. “But I’m leaving,” he says again, like he’s still trying to come to terms with it. “And Taeyong” </p><p>Yeah, Taeyong’s going to fall apart.</p><p>“I know you don’t like me, and I can’t ask you for favours - but I need you to take care of him, when I’m gone.” </p><p>“Of course I will.” Doyoung says. “It’s not like I’m doing anything else right now, with the way you’re fighting.” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun says. It sounds sincere, perhaps the first sincere words he’s heard come out of his mouth. “I really am, I know I’m a dick, but I-”</p><p>“Yeah, you are.” Doyoung agrees. “Look, if you’re going to leave then just leave. Taeyong will be fine.” </p><p>“He won’t be.” Baekhyun hiccups. Doyoung won’t admit it, but Baekhyun is right.</p><p>“I’ll make sure he will be.” Doyoung insists. “Just don’t drag it out. Don’t do this touch and go thing because it’s making him miserable.” </p><p>Baekhyun is silent. He looks like he wants to disagree, but he’s too drunk to come up with anything. </p><p>“I love him.” Baekhyun pleads pathetically, like it’s some kind of resolution. Doyoung wants to puke.</p><p>“You don’t deserve to.” He settles for, saving the lecture on how love isn’t an excuse to hurt - he <em>knows </em>better anyways. </p><p>Baekhyun slumps against the sink. Tears prickle his eyes and Doyoung does not want to sit around and wait for Baekhyun to start crying in a club bathroom. This week has been long and awful as it is, it doesn’t need Doyoung witnessing a humiliating breakdown in a public bathroom.</p><p>Yet he can’t just leave him here. This is the man Taeyong loves and he’s not just going to let him be this <em>wimp</em>, he cares about Taeyong too much to let him be miserable over a basket case like this.</p><p>“Okay get up.” Doyoung says, grabbing Baekhyun’s arm to get him upright. He turns on the tap with his other hand, grabbing a handful of it and splashing it in Baekhyun’s face. “Wash your face, get yourself together.” </p><p>Baekhyun looks confused yet does as told, sniffling as he leans down to splash his face with water. </p><p>“Go to Vancouver, go fuck every Canadian jock you lay eyes on, I don’t care.” Doyoung says, ruffling Baekhyun’s hair. “But don’t leave like this. Talk to Taeyong, yell at each other, fight about it - just don’t go like this, because Taeyong won’t forgive you and neither will I.” </p><p>There’s silence between them, and for a moment Doyoung thinks Baekhyun is going to start crying again. He doesn’t, instead closing his eyes, taking a deep breath - Doyoung feels like he’s watching a rebirth of sorts. </p><p>“You’re right.” Baekhyun says. </p><p>“When am I not” Doyoung mumbles under his breath, brushing off Baekhyun’s shoulder. He looks a little more put together now, his face still red - but he could write it off as alcohol rather than tears. </p><p>“You gotta tell Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says just as Doyoung is walking away. He freezes up, slowly turning around to face Baekhyun again.</p><p>“Tell him what?” Doyoung asks tentatively. </p><p>“That you love him - he knows you do, but he’s moping because you won’t say it, and he thinks he’s doing something wrong.” Baekhyun admits carelessly.</p><p>Doyoung is silent. His head feels like it might explode, and his heart does that stupid stutter again. He hates this whole trip, complicating everything he thought he knew. They should have never gone on holiday together, it was a recipe for disaster. Johnny and Sehun are never going to plan <em>anything </em>again at the expense of Doyoung’s sanity. </p><p>“I really hate you.” He spits at Baekhyun, before turning around and leaving. </p><p>++</p><p>“What happened there?” It’s Taeyong who asks when Doyoung sits back down by the fireplace. “You were gone for so long.” </p><p>“Line was huge,” Doyoung lies. Jaehyun looks unimpressed, but Taeyong is ever so gullible regardless of how bad a liar he is. “We should get shots.” Doyoung suggests. Taeyong looks hesitant but Jaehyun loves a bad idea and he’s off to find the bar before anyone can object.</p><p>“He told me about Johnny.” Taeyong explains, and Doyoung wants to laugh, not because the situation is funny, but because he just picked Taeyong’s ex-boyfriend off the bathroom floor and now Taeyong wants to discuss their brother’s bad decisions, like he hasn’t made a billion bad decisions himself. </p><p>“Yeah, that’s a mess.” Is all Doyoung says. “I will vote Johnny out if it comes down to it.” </p><p>“Nooo” Taeyong whines “we can’t vote them out, they are <em>family</em>.” Right, family. Entirely dysfunctional and as messed up as it gets. </p><p>“Family don’t fuck each other.” Taeyong looks at Doyoung knowingly. “Only platonically.” </p><p>“Let him be.” Taeyong brushes off. “His heart finally sank down to his dick, it’s an epiphany of sorts. Let him have his moment.” </p><p>“He could have an epiphany outside of our household.” Taeyong shrugs.</p><p>“I mean, Jongin is hot and so is Jaehyun, it’s kind of hot.” </p><p>Doyoung’s drunk brain considers it for a split second - a moment too long, because the idea is making him sick. He’s seen Jaehyun naked in a bathtub, covered in vomit - Jaehyun is his rushee, his <em>kid</em> - there’s no way that would ever be hot.</p><p>“‘M gonna wash my eyes with bleach if you make me think of dumb and dumber naked one more time.” He mutters. Jaehyun chooses that moment to show up with 9 tequila shots. It’s a little overboard but no one complains, Doyoung even thinks he’s going to need it. </p><p>The first one doesn’t go easy, all three grimacing as they look at the empty shot glasses in dread. “This is disgusting.” Doyoung whines, wiping his lips. </p><p>“Whoever has it worse has to drink the next one.” Jaehyun announces, looking at Taeyong expectantly, but both Doyoung and Taeyong are looking at him. </p><p>“Fine,” he admits, taking another one. He doesn’t even look disgusted by it. </p><p>“I’m sorry” Taeyong offers, drinking one in solidarity. They both look expectantly at Doyoung.</p><p>“I wasn’t even sad before I got here.” Doyoung exclaims, but takes the shot either way. </p><p>“Lies.” Taeyong objects. “You look at Chanyeol like he’s going off to war or something.” </p><p>“I haven’t looked at him all night” Doyoung drawls, looking right at the bar where Chanyeol is sitting with Sehun and Johnny. He’s been looking over there whenever he <em>thinks </em>Taeyong and Jaehyun look away but his observational skills aren’t that sharp when he’s drunk. </p><p>His vision is going a little blurry already, the tequila falling very heavy on top of the other alcohol he’s had. </p><p>“You’re doing it right now.” Jaehyun points out the obvious, and Taeyong laughs, shuffling over another shot to Doyoung’s hands. </p><p>Doyoung takes it, coughing over the bitter taste of it. Jaehyun is up and ready to get another round, but Doyoung voices his complaints.</p><p>“I’m going to <em>puke</em>.” He says, already feeling his stomach turning at the bitter liquid. “And I’m going to talk to him.”</p><p>Taeyong looks at him with big eyes filled with concern (as much as drunk Taeyong will allow it). “Don’t do that.” Taeyong advises, but Doyoung shakes his head. </p><p>“I’m going to do it!” Doyoung announces, standing up.</p><p>“At least do the puking before you do the talking.” Jaehyun says, giving Doyoung an encouraging pat on the back. He feels a little bit better now that he’s standing up, determined to make his way over to the bar in one piece. </p><p>He does. It’s not the most flattering walk of his life, trying to dodge sweaty bodies whilst also trying to stay on his feet. He almost faceplants right into someone's chest when he trips over their feet but manages to keep himself upright and arrives at the bar in one piece.</p><p>“Hi!” He greets enthusiastically as he throws an arm around Johnny’s shoulder to lean against him.</p><p>“You need some water?” </p><p>Doyoung hiccups loudly. “Yes!” He announces. The three of them laugh, waving in the bartender to get Doyoung some water. </p><p>He drinks the whole glass in one go, not feeling the slightest bit better as he puts the empty glass down. “One more” he asks, foregoing a please as he hands the glass back to the bartender.</p><p>Well hydrated Doyoung feels a little less light headed, still equally as wobbly on his feet as he steps around Johnny to approach Chanyeol. </p><p>“Can we-“ he starts, but the room is spinning and he needs to focus on gripping the bar and standing upright rather than talking.</p><p>“Let’s get you some air, yes” Chanyeol suggests, excusing the both of them. He holds Doyoung up by one shoulder, helping him make his way outside. </p><p>It’s cold outside, a nice contrast for Doyoung’s very hot cheeks. He considers sitting down in the snow to cool down, but Chanyeol tells him no and instead sits them down on a bench. Doyoung hooks one leg over Chanyeol’s, aching to get as close as possible to him. </p><p>“You okay?” Chanyeol asks, his hand on Doyoung’s shoulder.</p><p>No, Doyoung wants to say, but now he is. Chanyeol giggles, apparently Doyoung is too drunk for a brain to mouth filter and says everything out loud. “Glad to be of service.”</p><p>Yeah, Doyoung’s really glad he has someone like Chanyeol, and not a pile of trash in a public bathroom. Chanyeol would never do that to him, would never fight, leave, and sleep with someone else. </p><p>Except now he has considered the possibility, as ridiculous as the thought is - and he has to know. He’s a planner, the things he wants to say don’t come naturally - he needs all the encouragement he can get. </p><p>“Promise you won’t cheat on me.” Doyoung murmurs pathetically. Chanyeol only laughs. “I don’t want to be like Taeyong and Baekhyun, I don’t want to be on the floor in a public bathroom.”</p><p>“Baekhyun’s on the floor in a public bathroom?” Chanyeol asks in confusion. </p><p>“Not anymore.” Doyoung explains. “I picked him up, I have to pick everyone up around here, I’m so tired.” Doyoung suddenly feels a wave of nausea hit him, interrupting whatever he was trying to say. He leans away from Chanyeol, over the snow in hopes that if he’s going to be sick, he won’t be sick on either of them. </p><p>His stomach seems forgiven, slowly calming down again as he sits up. </p><p>“So I have to tell you something” Doyoung slurs, trying to search for words. Maybe he should just say it when he’s drunk. It’s not romantic at all, but it’s easier than waiting until he’s sober again and he can second guess himself again. “Because I want to make plans but I don’t want to be miserable, so if you can just tell me you’re not going to go away and leave me alone, then I can say it.” </p><p>“Doyoung,” Chanyeol says sternly, taking both Doyoung’s hands in his to get his attention. He looks down into his eyes, Doyoung suddenly feeling so small underneath him. “I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to. I don’t want to make you miserable, and I’m not going to leave you alone.” </p><p>It sounds so easy when Chanyeol says it, it comes effortless like he doesn’t have to think about the words for a second. Yet with every word he says, Doyoung feels the need to think about it tenfold. He needs to hear this, even if it might seem obvious because as much as he’s sure this is the right thing to do, he’s scared, he needs to <em>feel</em>. </p><p>So he kisses Chanyeol, because he knows how to do that. He tastes like beer, but Doyoung can’t imagine he’s any better himself so it doesn’t matter. It’s familiar but still catches him off guard, quickly grabbing Chanyeol’s shoulders to hold onto something and keep himself from falling over. His head is spinning with both the alcohol and from the kiss, leaning in closer because he needs to feel like he’s right where he should be. </p><p>It’s overwhelming, the way their lips mold together and Doyoung does his very best to stay upright and seated, trying to keep his head from spinning too much. It’s so very easy to get lost in it, just think about kissing him, get lost in the intoxicating feeling of him - he doesn’t have to think about anything else, about what he wants to say - about how miserable they all seem to be, none of that exists when they kiss. </p><p>Doyoung feels stupid for ever doubting this. How could he doubt something that feels so good, so overwhelming that it makes everything else seem inconsequential?</p><p>He pulls away, embarrassingly out of breath for what was just a kiss. He still holds onto Chanyeol’s shoulders even as he leans back to find his eyes again. Chanyeol is equally as overwhelmed, red lips slightly parted as he breathes heavily. </p><p>Doyoung’s head is still spinning with dizziness, be it the alcohol or anything else - he’s trying really hard to focus on what he wants to say. </p><p>“Chanyeol” he starts, if only to get his attention - something he already has, if the way he’s looking at him is anything to go by.</p><p>“Yeah” he breathes out, equally as nervous suddenly. </p><p>“I lo-” Doyoung tries, he really does. The words are right there and he gets half of it out before his stomach is actually churning upside down, the alcohol washing through his body like a laundromat. The nausea is so strong that his head hurts and the only thing he can do to keep from throwing up in his boyfriend’s face is quickly pull away, aim for anywhere in the snow, and finally throw up all over Chanyeol’s feet. </p><p>++</p><p>“And then you puked on his feet.” Taeyong finishes the story. Doyoung wants to disappear.</p><p>He wakes up with a pounding headache that is only partially soothed by two aspirins. He’s passed out in his own bed, Taeyong asleep next to him. After getting hydrated and medicated, he’d come back to bed and waited for Taeyong to wake up and tell him what happened last night.</p><p>It’s not that he doesn’t remember, it’s more than whatever he remembers is so painfully embarrassing that he really hopes it’s just his memory making things worse than they actually were.</p><p>(It’s not. He really threw up on his boyfriend’s feet.)</p><p>“Oh god” Doyoung groans, burying his head in his pillow. “I can’t believe I did that.” </p><p>“I can” Taeyong scoffs. </p><p>“I’m so stupid, I can’t believe you <em>let </em>me do that. I trusted you.” Doyoung mumbles into his pillow, still too ashamed to look up. </p><p>“To be fair I did say it was a bad idea, but you went anyways.” Of course he did. Of course drunk and sick Doyoung thought it was an excellent idea. </p><p>Doyoung has nothing but regrets. His head is still pounding despite his attempts at soothing it, and he wants nothing more than to disappear. Right now. </p><p>“I hate this.” He murmurs. “How do I even talk to him? Sorry about your shoes, no better way to say I love you than to exchange bodily fluids? Mine specifically, on your feet.” </p><p>“This is such a <em>you</em> thing.” Taeyong laughs. “Well at least you did this on the last day here, so they’ve got less than twenty four hours to bother you about it.” </p><p>“You <em>told </em>everyone?” Doyoung asks, mortified. </p><p>“Everyone saw. Chanyeol was walking around with the proof of it for the rest of the evening.” </p><p>“I can never face these people again” Doyoung whines. “I can’t believe you let me drink so much, you know I don’t hold liquor very well.”</p><p>“It was <em>your</em> idea to get shots!” Taeyong objects. Doyoung remembers nothing of the sorts and <em>refuses</em> to believe he instigated this disaster. </p><p>His stomach rumbles in disapproval. </p><p>“I’m starving” he whines, rolling over to face Taeyong. “I really want pizza, just greasy cheese crust-“</p><p>“I don’t think Dominos does deliveries up mountain hills.” Taeyong points out, effectively crushing all Doyoung’s hopes and dreams. </p><p>“I hate it here.” He growls into his pillow. “When can we leave?”</p><p>“Just one more day” Taeyong assures, patting Doyoung’s shoulder. “I’ll go make pancakes if you’re nice.” </p><p>Doyoung salivates at the thought of pancakes - any kind of food is enough to get him excited at this point. “I’m nice.” He promises, practically kicking Taeyong out of bed. </p><p>He spends some time in the shower, trying (and failing) to wash away the shame from last night. His head feels a little better after standing under a hot water spray, and he changes into a pair of fresh clothes that don’t smell like smoke and alcohol. </p><p>Jaehyun is no longer reading a book, now playing mario kart with Johnny. They look like they never fought to begin with, and Doyoung is relieved at that, yet they’re a little too loud for someone with a hangover so he wordlessly traipses into the kitchen where Taeyong is in fact making pancakes. </p><p>Baekhyun’s enjoying his breakfast, not looking the least bothered by Taeyong or Doyoung. </p><p>“Good morning!” He greets cheerfully. “Rough night last night?” He asks, like he’s not the one with a black eye.</p><p>“Yes.” Doyoung simply says, sitting down across from Baekhyun by the table. “Is Chanyeol awake?” </p><p>“Yes.” Baekhyun says. “He’s intact - his shoes not so much.” </p><p>“I'm never going to live this down, am I?” Doyoung says to himself, burying his face in his hands in embarrassment. Baekhyun chuckles, shaking his head. </p><p>“I think you’ve scarred him for life.” Baekhyun assures. “You’re never getting anywhere near his feet again, I hope you’re not into that.” </p><p>“Please stop” Doyoung pleads, but he can’t help but laugh. It’s strange to be talking to Baekhyun like this, holding an actual friendly conversation. Maybe Baekhyun needed to see Doyoung in a stupidly vulnerable position before deciding they could be civil. Maybe it helped that he picked Baekhyun up from the floor last night - maybe seeing each other at their worst is Baekhyun’s way of bonding. </p><p>The three of them eat together - it’s surprisingly comfortable, just them making small talk. Even Baekhyun and Taeyong seem civil. If Doyoung wasn’t so mortified he would’ve thought he woke up in an alternate universe. </p><p>Eventually Doyoung has to own up to his actions, nervously making his way back upstairs. Chanyeol is still in bed, half awake and watching something on his laptop. He shuts it once he sees Doyoung entering, smiling at him.</p><p>“Hi,” Doyoung says sheepishly, unsure how to proceed. He’d kind of expected Chanyeol to be angry. Doyoung can imagine <em>he</em> would be angry if his feet had been puked on. Then again, he couldn’t really be angry with Chanyeol.</p><p>“Good morning.” Chanyeol offers. “How are you feeling?” He asks, patting the spot next to him in bed. </p><p>“Not too bad.” Doyoung admits, he’s had worse hangovers. “I’m uh - I’m sorry about your shoes.” </p><p>“You should be, they were my favourite converse.” Chanyeol says, but there’s a laugh to it that tells Doyoung he really couldn’t care less about that. </p><p>“I’ll get you new shoes!” Doyoung promises, shyly sitting down next to Chanyeol. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t think I was that drunk, but we did shots and it all went so fast.” </p><p>“You’re fine, don’t worry about it.” Chanyeol assures. “Did you sleep well at least? You were really out of it last night.” </p><p>“Yeah I’m fine, just very tired.” Doyoung assures. “What were you watching?” They decide on watching that for the rest of the day, cuddling up together, Chanyeol’s shoes long forgotten.</p><p>++</p><p>It’s their last night so Junmyeon is cooking up a grand meal for all of them, expecting them downstairs at 7pm sharp. </p><p>Everyone seems to agree on this, all the awkwardness and conflicts between everyone suddenly vanished now that they know it’s their last day. Jaehyun and Johnny have miraculously overcome their differences, happily chatting as they sit next to each other. Taeyong and Baekhyun seem to be friendly, helping Junmyeon around the kitchen. Although Taeyong hadn’t mentioned it to Doyoung, it appears they’ve talked things out, the tension between them gone.</p><p>All in all, the chaos from yesterday seems to be resolved by Doyoung puking his guts out over Chanyeol’s shoes, something everyone still laughs about. </p><p>Doyoung is happy to be of service - but mostly he’s just happy that things seem normal, their friends all getting along again. </p><p>After dinner Doyoung suggests they go outside for a walk. He’s been inside all day and is aching for some fresh air. Chanyeol offers to join him, which is how they end up at one of the mountain top viewing platforms, enjoying the view. </p><p>“This has been nice.” Doyoung speaks up. “This trip, a little chaotic - but nice.” He concludes. </p><p>“Did you expect anything else?” Well, Doyoung had certainly not expected anything like this, but thinking this would all go smoothly would have been naive. </p><p>“I guess not.” Doyoung says. “I wish we could’ve spent more time together.” He says a little solemnly, reaching to grab Chanyeol’s hands in his. Chanyeol hums, looking down at their hands. He intertwines their fingers as much as the gloves allow it. </p><p>“You were going to say something last night” Chanyeol hints after a moment of silence. A blush taints Doyoung’s cheeks, even in the cold of the night he can feel it. The moonlight is faint on the two of them, and he hopes Chanyeol can’t see it. There’s no need to get nervous all over again. </p><p>“I was” Doyoung admits shyly, suddenly feeling very self conscious under Chanyeol’s gaze. </p><p>“Well I'm waiting…” Chanyeol offers. Doyoung thinks he’s joking at first, but should know by now that he’s not afraid to be vulnerable in front of him. “I don’t hear anything” he reminds him after a pause, and Doyoung can’t help the smile on his face. </p><p>“You’re insufferable.” He whispers, giggling. “I love you” </p><p>Chanyeol kisses him then, short and sweet but it’s nothing short of breath taking. It’s infinitely better than drunk at an apres ski with too much tequila. Doyoung’s heart does all kinds of funny stuff as he kisses him back, savouring the feeling of him under his fingertips. </p><p>“I love you too.” Chanyeol says. Doyoung had been painfully oblivious to this fact for so long, but to hear it now loud and clear, when he’s right in front of him - it’s the best feeling in the world. </p><p>++</p><p>Doyoung lied, the best feeling in the world is coming home to their own house. There’s a whole pile of clean clothes that needs to be folded, more laundry that needs to be washed and none of his brothers seem keen on helping him (Doyoung had lost a half assed game of rock paper scissors and won himself a week’s worth of laundry), and <em>yet</em>. </p><p>“Who even wears these?” Chanyeol asks, holding up the threadbare crop top, a sad excuse of Jaehyun’s fraternity sweater. </p><p>Doyoung had spent the majority of the ride home thinking of an excuse to ask Chanyeol to stay with him when they got back, coming up with exactly none. There was no real reason, they’d just spent a week with each other, had gone through more ups and downs in said week than their entire relationship. If anything, Doyoung had earned a few days of personal space, but it was the last thing he wanted. </p><p>“Hush.” Doyoung says, snatching it from his hands. “That shirt has <em>history</em>, more history than your whiskers will ever have.”</p><p>Eventually Chanyeol had given in, asking Doyoung if he needed help with all that laundry waiting for him at home. It was an excuse more than anything, and a relief to Doyoung that he wasn’t the only one feeling like this - but he was currently holding Chanyeol to it. </p><p>“At least the whiskers are cute.” Chanyeol offers. Doyoung giggles, tucking the last pair of rolled socks in the basket, hopping up on the dryer so sit down. </p><p>“They’re annoying to wash off” Doyoung teases, and Chanyeol chuckles, stepping up to stand between Doyoung’s legs. </p><p>“They’re also kind of sexy.” He says, and Doyoung can’t help but laugh. </p><p>“There’s nothing sexy about sharpie fumes.” Doyoung says, but he kisses Chanyeol anyways, wrapping his arms around his neck to pull him in closer. </p><p>They kiss lazily, like they’ve got all the time in the world. All the time until the door opens and Johnny barges in.</p><p>“Oh fuck” he curses, watching Doyoung and Chanyeol jump apart. “I need Jaehyun’s sweater, we are going to a frat party tonight.” Johnny interrupts once he’s uncovered his eyes. </p><p>“We literally just got home.” Doyoung points out, carefully rummaging through the stack of laundry with one hand to find the shirt Johnny is looking for. </p><p>“It’s a Saturday!” Johnny objects, grabbing the patchwork sweater Doyoung throws at him. “You should turn the washing machine on if you’re gonna fuck on it, it really adds-”</p><p>“Goodbye” Doyoung states, making a gesture for Johnny to leave and waiting for the door to fall shut. </p><p>“So, you wanna turn it on?” Chanyeol asks after a moment of silence. Doyoung laughs, hopping off the dryer and shaking his head. </p><p>“Yeah, let’s turn it on and order pizza. I’ve been craving it all week.” Doyoung suggests. Chanyeol only looks a little bit disappointed as he walks away. </p><p>They do order pizza, and then <em>don’t </em>fuck on the dryer. It’s exactly the kind of evening Doyoung had wanted all week, just the two of them, take out, Netflix and his own bed, in his own bedroom - not a bed he shares with a miserable heartbreak ridden Taeyong. Just the two of them finally having time for each other.</p><p>It feels <em>different</em> now that Doyoung has said <em>it</em>, like they’ve peeled off another layer of them, allowing both to feel more comfortable. Even now when they’re not doing anything in particular, just lazing around cuddled up in Doyoung’s bed, it feels strangely more intimate now that Doyoung has admitted (to himself) that he’s in love. </p><p>The stupid toothbrush standing in a glass by the sink isn’t just Chanyeol’s toothbrush. It isn’t just casual, convenient - it’s also a step, steps that they’ve been taking unknowingly, that have all evolved into the prickling in Doyoung’s chest that he feels whenever they’re together. It’s been painstakingly simple yet over complicated with every step Doyoung takes, but it’s <em>them</em>. </p><p>“What’s up?” Chanyeol asks, seeing Doyoung’s focused expression. Doyoung is sitting on the side of his bed, taking out his contacts as he was getting ready to sleep. It is still early in the evening but they are both exhausted, agreeing that no one has to know if they go to bed before 10pm - they could keep that to themselves. </p><p>“Just thinking” Doyoung hums, pulling up the blanket to get under it. It’s cold underneath, and Doyoung’s cold feet soon find Chanyeol’s shins, pressing against them to warm up. Chanyeol groans but doesn’t complain, simply letting Doyoung press his cold body against his. “Can I ask you something?” </p><p>“I don’t know, can you restore the blood flow to my legs and take your feet off?” Chanyeol poses. </p><p>Doyoung does not, gently nudging Chanyeol’s legs apart to slot one of his colder ones between them. </p><p>“When did you know?” Doyoung asks tentatively, propping himself up on Chanyeol’s chest so he can see his face. He frowns in confusion. “That you love me, when did you know?” </p><p>Chanyeol’s eyes widen in surprise before he smiles shyly. “Um...” he starts, chuckling nervously. “Remember when I had the flu a while back” He offers. Doyoung hums to agree. “You came over with food, and I felt really<em> bad</em>.” </p><p>“You had a fever and hadn’t eaten in days, of course you felt bad.” Doyoung mocks him, forgetting what he was asking to begin with.</p><p>“Right, yeah - it was my own fault, I know” He agrees, a blush striking his cheeks. “But I felt so bad and I still wanted you there, because I felt better when you were there.” </p><p>Doyoung gets it. Normally when he’s sick, he likes to be feverish and snotty on his own. Chanyeol liked being feverish and snotty on <em>him</em> - but Doyoung had also wanted nothing but Chanyeol’s comfort after he bruised his hand on Baekhyun’s face. </p><p>Then it hits him. “That was like, October last year.” He states after some consideration. </p><p>“Yeah” Chanyeol says sheepishly, looking away from Doyoung’s gaze. “Yeah it was a while ago.” </p><p>A while ago is an understatement. That was <em>months</em> ago. Doyoung had nearly gone insane just keeping it to himself for a couple days, yet Chanyeol had carried it all around for months? </p><p>“You didn’t tell me.” Doyoung says nervously. He doesn’t want to sound accusing, but at the same time he can’t help but wonder why Chanyeol kept it to himself for so long. </p><p>“No, I didn’t.” Chanyeol agrees. “I didn’t think you’d want to say it back, and I didn’t want to put you in that position.” </p><p>Of course. There it is. The selflessness, Doyoung’s not sure <em>how</em> he does it. </p><p>“So you waited for me to say it first?” Doyoung poses, and Chanyeol nods. </p><p>“Didn’t want to pressure you, but it took you long enough.” Chanyeol muses, and Doyoung laughs. “When did you know?”</p><p>“Promise you won’t laugh?” Doyoung asks. He’d been fearing he would get the question directed back at him, but his curiosity had been too great to let it go. Chanyeol’s absolutely awful at these types of promises, but Doyoung falls for it. “Taeyong told me.” </p><p>Chanyeol does laugh, shaking his head to himself. “Of course he did.” </p><p>“I just hadn’t… thought about it until he said it.” Doyoung explains “but I think I’ve felt like this for a while.” </p><p>He <em>knows </em>he has, but he’s been too stubborn to admit it. Stubborn but most importantly afraid, because he thought being in love meant promises about their future and <em>the long run</em> and all other impending doom they had ahead of them, when that was just a side effect of it all.</p><p>The feeling is completely different. It’s here and now, something so strong it’s almost tangible - something he can’t describe in any other way than <em>them</em>, being the two of them together - that’s love. It doesn’t matter when, or how long, or where - it’s them. </p><p>The past week has taught Doyoung that love is fragile. So fragile that even two functioning human beings can just throw it away over misunderstandings and disagreements. He didn’t want that kind of love, but he knows now that it's not one or the other, it's just the two of them, it’s <em>them</em>, and whatever happens they will figure it out, just the two of them. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you so much for reading this. i hope you have enjoyed this series just as much as i have enjoyed writing this. i am now done writing chando in this universe, but i can't leave baekyong like this and will return with a spin-off for them/johnjae!! </p><p>twitter: @ohsunwrites<br/>cc: ohsunwrites</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>